I am in a Tango Meltdown. I’m sure most of you know what I mean, and probably have different words for it. Though I have had many in the past 19 months, this one ranks in my top 5. What I mean by a Tango Meltdown is when I have so many emotional issues come up that I need to process the issues outside of Tango. I might not dance for a couple of days while I process. Also, a meltdown once processed, results in a definitive life change and certainly a change in my dancing.
The short version of my current meltdown is that I am acutely aware of how I am underachieving, underproducing and under a cloud. The long version follows.
BACKGROUND – For the past 19 months I have basically had one great consulting job, which has supported me in that time. And I kicked butt as I quintupled my client’s profitability in that time. Ever since I realized that Tango was my life 16 months ago, I understood that my income producing efforts would eventually come from within my Tango activities and offshoots such as training dancers to learn much more quickly. Therefore, I put all of my financial and time resources into my Tango training and dancing.
MELTDOWN – Now I am in the place of needing to choose how to direct time/ money/ energy/ mind resources to produce income. I am sure that I can produce plenty of income for I am aware that I have valuable gifts to offer the world of Tango from my 2 decades of human potential & psychological training; my skills directly apply. However, there is this thing called a TIME LAG. It does take some amount of time to produce results once I direct my personal resources. So, I am taking this time lag into account, and realizing if the time lag is great, I might have to choose to do something that is not directly related to Tango for income.
How many of you are in this same boat???
Why I am in a meltdown around this time lag is that from past experience and what I know, I could blast through this time lag and produce income in a short time. However, to do this means I must go from my current 35% capable work output to 80%+. I am personally getting how my current low level of producing is thwarting my greatest dreams with Tango. Furthermore, since I started Tango I have only progressed at 35% of what I am capable of. My personal truth of how I am underachieving has dredged up a lot of emotional issues around me putting my self out, living my potential, and standing in my power.
I do want to acknowledge that I have certainly progressed very quickly in the Tango world. However, I hold this awareness of how I have been underachieving, for I have only used a portion of the many cutting-edge training tools and methodologies that I could use.
To add insult to injury, people around me tell me I am being hard on my self. This always irks me. Don’t you also know where you have been underachieving yet people don’t know it because your underachieving seems like overachieving? And then to be told by someone that your personal awareness of how you know you are doing far less than you are capable of is just you beating up on yourself? When someone tells me I am beating up on myself, my interpretation is that they are trying to make an excuse for me to continue to underachieve, live little of my potential and just sleepwalk through life.
So, I am left with my meltdown of an in-my-face personal truth of how I am underachieving. I am far from my Tango abilities of where I could be by now. And if I do not stand up in my power and produce, I will see the distance of where I am at from where I could be grow! That is painful!
The payoffs in being further along in Tango are great — giving incredible tango trance dances, attracting great dancers, being able to dance better with all levels of dancers, being able to express more of what I feel in the music, being able to teach people how to learn much more quickly, having even more fun, traveling to milongas all over the world and being around my Tango friends even more. I want these payoffs NOW!