I sit here on Monday morning, a week after I acutely sprained my back.  I am in a haze.  I have not danced in 10 days, and am dazed by pain killers with the nagging sense that my life is little without Tango.  In the past 10 days I have diligently worked on my professional Tango life, constructing my web site, writing my workshop guides, writing about how I can accelerate people’s rate of learning Tango from 50-500%, and researching institutions that grant Ph.D.’s in dance and education to research and evolve my methodologies of rapid learning.

Yet I have not danced.  My nights, usually filled with Tango music, delicious dances, kisses of the Divine, heart-filled relating, and sweating from enthusiastic milongas, have been empty.  A movie here and there is so empty. Once I got into Tango I thought I would not have lonely empty nights.

And during the past 10 days I have been working and envisioning my life as a Tango professional – without moving my body.  I haven’t even listened to Tango music the entire 10 days.  It was just too sad to hear the music without being able to dance it.  Again, I am aware of the haze I am in.

However, I am excited about moving forward into the professional aspects of Tango in the coming days – my first 5 pack of Tango lessons starts tomorrow; I DJ the first alternative practica downstairs at the Turnverein in Denver tomorrow; this Saturday I teach my first Tango workshop in Kansas City, MO; this week I finalize my booking of the August Teaching Tour in the upper midwest; my Tango Teaching Tour for the Kansas City 200 mile radius area is coming together; and my e-commerce foundation is coming together too.

What is this haze?  Is it the pain killers?  The extreme lack of movement in 10 days?  I could name many factors influencing my haze.  However, the metaphor of this haze is more telling and important.

I am getting as I write this that my Haze represents over 20 years of 35% productivity and/ or outward expression of passion.  Up until now, I have only operated on 1/3 of my ability in putting out my passion professionally.  What I mean by operating on 1/3 of my ability – hours working, marketing, sales, writing, studying in whatever I was doing.  For over 13 years I worked professionally in the personal growth fields, yet I could have done 3x the amount.  I was only operating on 3 out of 10 cylinders.

And no, I am not being hard on myself (as some people like to tell me).  I am only stating the facts.  Today I am aware of operating on just 3 out of 10 cylinders.  There were a few times in my life I operated on more cylinders.  When I was a national tour guide I operated on 9 out of 10 cylinders, or as a ski instructor at Keystone – 7 out of 10, or when I created and put on workshops and events for singles to meet – 7.5 out of 10.

I am acutely aware of my strong desire to bring my operational capability up to 9 cylinders out of 10 consistently.  This desire is in stark contrast to the haze I currently feel, the haze that I believe I have been living for the great majority of my adult life.

I know what operating on a high level of 9 cylinders looks and l feels like.  My question is what would fire up those other cylinders?  I just answered the question in my head and I am shocked – my answer is if I knew for sure I would manifest my current dreams, I would operate on 9 or 10 cylinders.   My life dreams cover life partner, financial prosperity and freedom, full Tango and Dance coach lifestyle (intensive Tango training/ 18 festivals a year – teaching at most/ travel 6 months a year/ milonga 6 days a week), full vitality and longevity and dream houses.

Why I am shocked is that I am operating as if I will not get those things.  However, if I were to operate on 9 cylinders I would manifest these things.  I seem to be waiting for my dreams to manifest to operate on 9 cylinders.  Quite a little messed up circle of hindering beliefs I have been living.

I will report later on what comes of this awareness of what I call transparent beliefs (beliefs unknown, unseen, transparent.)

Where in your life are you operating on only a small percentage of the cylinders you have available?  How long have you operated like this?  Why?  What would fire up your other cylinders?