Q– How do I deal with a redemption dance – the timing of it, and the in’s and out’s of redeeming myself on the dance floor?  asked by Craig Rypstat of Madison, WI

Great question.  For those of you who do not know, a redemption dance is a dance/ tanda to make up for dances you had with another where you know you were not as good as you could have been, or said other ways, not on your game, or frankly just bad, or did not connect.

First, I would wait until I knew I could give a dance to the top of my ability.  Usually you will need to have danced before you know you are in a good space.

Second, I would pick the music that I know I could dance to the best of my ability.

Third, I would make sure I was in a space to connect with the person I wanted to redeem myself with.  I would not want to be processing some issue, or having had a string of bad dances, or depressed.

Fourth, I would make sure that the person I wanted to dance with did not just have a great tanda!  I would wait until she had an OK or bad tanda.  Do not follow a great Tanda!  One key is if the lead or follow is really good.  Bets are that if the lead or follow is good, the dance could have been very good.

Fifth, and MOST important, I would make sure I was in a space of confidence, which is dependent upon how connected you are with yourself.  I would not want to be worrying about if I could perform.  I would want to be in my body, very connected so I could connect with this person deeply.  Performance anxiety will usually kill a tanda.  To emphasize, your ability to connect with yourself and this person are the most important to giving all that you can.

Sixth, when I asked for the dance I would want to make sure I was in a joyful place, where I smiled authentically, and desired to connect with this person.

Seventh, and perhaps this should have been first- I would make sure I understood why I had a bad dance the last time.  If it was that I just did not connect, then I would focus on connection.  If it was that I did not have enough vocabulary or musicality, I would change that.  If it was that I made a big mistake, I would be aware what may have influenced that mistake and have changed that.

Lastly, enough time needs to have passed.  It could be a couple of hours, or a few months.  Confidence and your ability to connect with yourself and the person in question are the most important.