Tango offers the promise of multiple tango orgasms but dangers lurk deep within this tantalizing promise.  A Tango orgasm is akin to a peak experience; a transcendent event; a blissful happening; or euphoric affair.  I call these Kisses of the Divine (see blog entry Tango & The Kiss of the Divine.)  In Tango we yearn for these, live for them and seek them out as we do in life.  They are the epitome of connection, and one of the biggest yet elusive payoffs of becoming better at Tango connection.

However, the danger is that people often seek and even aggressively go after a Tango orgasm but miss out on the simple pleasures and mini-orgasms that exist and lead to the big “O”.  Other ways of saying this are that we try too hard and miss out on all of the fun/ goodies, or we focus so much on the goal we miss out on many opportunities, or that we work so hard we don’t smell the roses.

What I am writing about is a perennial problem of humanity – DOING at the expense of BEING.  This perennial problem lies at the root of MANY challenges within the human condition such as why humans are not happier, or why stress is so high, or why extraordinary sex and deep intimacy is so fleeting and impossible for many, or why so many psychological problems exist and humanity on the whole suffers so much.

In Tango and in life, if we want more bliss and extraordinary connection, then it helps to understand deeper aspects of the problem (solution comes later.)   Our nervous system is one key to life bliss and Tango orgasms.  Our nervous system is divided into two parts- the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems.

The sympathetic nervous system when active does the following: mobilizes the body for action; heightens fight or flight syndrome; raises breathing, heart rate and blood pressure; and reduces digestion.  The great majority of Americans activate their sympathetic nervous system way too much and often.

The parasympathetic nervous system when active does the following: relaxes; slows breathing; slows heart rate; lowers pulse; allows deeper sleep; controls the contraction of smooth muscles such as the  bladder, G.I. tract and heart.  Connection, intimacy, deep pleasure and great orgasms occur within the parasympathetic nervous system. 

An easy way of understanding how these systems interact in a way that does not support connection and bliss is around sleeping and male erections.  When we TRY hard to sleep, we are actually activating the sympathetic nervous system.  And when a man TRIES hard to have an erection, or is nervous, tense or stressed, an erection is less likely.  Sleep and male erections are the province of the parasympathetic nervous system – for both a person needs to engage the parasympathetic nervous system through ways of relaxing.

In Tango, I have observed when people get into a parasympathetic mode (relaxed), then more connection occurs.  However, a great majority of American Tango dancers I have observed do many things that activate the sympathetic nervous system.   Therefore,  incredible connection, bliss, pleasure and Tango orgasms that should be possible and probable, become improbable.

What are we actually doing that gets in the way of great connection and Tango orgasms?  How do we deal with this problem?  And what other dangers lurk in going after Tango orgasms?

Part 2 is on its way…