The single biggest way I know to get way better at dancing Tango, learning Tango, enjoying Tango, and having multiple Tangsams (Tango orgasms) is to become ALIGNED with what you are doing.  The same with life – when you truly are motivated to make your life better in any arena- relationships, jobs, hobbies, sports, health – ALIGNMENT is king.  Everything gets better when we align with what we are doing!

What do I mean by alignment?  Alignment is about getting behind what you want 100%, without doubts, with a focus on what you want and only what you want, not focusing on what you don’t want or the lack of what you want.  This is not an easy task.

A critical first step in becoming aligned with anything is to be clear on your motivation.  Why do you want what you want?  Why are you in Tango?  Why are you taking Tango classes, spending time, money and energy to learn a very hard dance?  Why are you really going to milongas?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?

As in Tango, as in life – I have found most people have not fully explored their motivation for most things they go after.  For example, in one of my seminars on how to make your life better by not procrastinating, I asked a student what she wanted.  She said she wanted a Doctorate degree.  I said, I doubt it.  Let’s find out what you really want.  ”Why do you want a Doctorate?”  She answered, to make money.  I said I and many others could teach you how to make money very quickly without spending 6 years doing a lot of work and paying a lot of money to a University.

So after a little more questioning, I find out she just wanted credibility in her industry so she could make more money in her industry.  I said I could tell you right now how you could get way more credibility without spending 6 years and thousands of dollars.  Three big ways to get credibility are:  obtain good testimonials from industry leaders (easy to get); write a book or a lot of information products; and earn credentials.  The hardest, most expensive and least effective way to get credibility is to earn a credential such as a Doctorate (for her industry).  So, if all you want is credibility, I can show you in 1 month how you can get more credibility than a Doctorate.  Her $39 class fee just paid for itself 100′s of times over.

The first thing I endeavor to find out with any Tango student is their underlying motivation for taking a class or private.  Then and only then can I actually help them, for what I teach and how I teach Tango changes, based upon their motivation.  As a student, you can help your teachers instruct you by getting very clear of why you are in Tango and then telling them!

In Tango, I have found 6 big underlying reasons people get into it.  This list is by no means comprehensive:  to experience connection; to get into a casual or significant relationship; to experience community; to engage in another recreation/ hobby; to learn body skills and the experience that comes with moving and learning with the body; and lastly, to actually learn Tango.  In other words, most people I have asked really are not learning Tango just for the learning, but some payoff – connection, relationship, community, recreation, and/ or body skills.

What is your motivation?  Your answer is KEY to dancing, learning, and enjoying Tango.  If you want to experience more connection, then learning what I call Essential Tango Skills will be way more important than learning big show Tango moves.  I am NOT judging show Tango moves.  I am pointing out that learning foundation Tango skills in most cases helps a tanguero learn connection more quickly.  Also, a tanguero’s attitude, state of being, and social skills is also important in learning connection, but not AS relevant to learning big show tango moves.

An example of miss-alignment between motivation and action is where I have observed some leads working hard to learn more vocabulary and do big flashy moves.  Is this action in alignment with what they want?  If they want to be better at show Tango and performance, then learning big flashy moves is in alignment with their desire.  Why all the fuss here about miss-alignment?

WHEN YOU ARE MISS-ALIGNED, YOU ARE NOT IN A PARASYMPATHETIC STATE OF BEING!    (See Tangasm Dangers Part 1 for clarification on sympathetic/ parasympathetic states of being.)  It is hard to be relaxed when you are not aligned between what you want and your actions.  If you do not know your underlying motivation, you run a high probability of being miss-aligned.  On the other hand, when you are aligned you relax more thereby residing in a more parasympathetic state of being.

Lastly, in sticking with my metaphor of orgasms, in lovemaking, some individuals aggressively go after orgasms as if they are the goal of lovemaking.  They do not realize that just focusing on getting to an orgasm actually thwarts the pleasure and eventual buildup to a huge release and onto another buildup and release.  In Tantra we call orgasms just signposts on the journey of loving, enjoying and communicating with our beloved.  Or said another way, by relaxing and enjoying the ride without a goal of a big payoff, we reside in a parasympathetic nervous system state.

Bottom line- I believe when we are clear of our motivations in Tango, and consciously act in alignment with our motivations, we become way more relaxed.  This increased relaxation (parasympathetic state) leads to better dancing, faster Tango learning, greater enjoyment of Tango, and multiple Tangsams (Tango orgasms).

The Tangasm danger is if we go after things and we don’t know why, we run the danger of engaging our sympathetic nervous system way too much.  What are effective ways to relax in Tango besides alignment?  Check back for another entry on TANGO RELAXATION – The art of BEING in Tango.