What appears in one's mind, is not necessarily appearing...

In the Tango world I have unveiled more than a few illusions, and the fact of uncovering illusions pulls on me to wonder how deep the rabbit hole of the Tango Matrix goes.  Here are several illusions I have encountered:

Entering a new milonga in a new city as the new kid on the block, I spotted a women in Comme Il Faut shoes.  I assumed she had some experience dancing Tango.  After dancing 5 seconds with her, I understand the potential misperception on level of dancing connected with wearing great Tango shoes.  Great Tango shoes does not equal great dancing.

Observing dancers in a new milonga in a new town, I watched for women I wanted to ask for a Tanda.  Five out of the ten women I desired to dance with looked great with the teacher and milonga organizer.  I got to dance with one of them and experienced roboing (when someone automatically performs steps or patterns or moves without any lead, and sometimes continues to move even when the lead is totally silent, doing nothing).  She could not follow, and hung on me with a gas pedaling right arm.  After a dance with another of the Five and the having the same experience, I puzzled over what was going on.

After a third dance of the Five, I decided to watch these 3 of the 5 I danced with, with other tangueros and their teacher.  I realized the teacher had taught patterns, but not how to follow or fundamentals.  His students looked great with him, but could not follow.  That taught me to watch tangueras with different tangueros before I assessed my potential desire for a tanda with them.  Tangueras that dance great with one tanguero, do not necessarily dance great with me.

After attending a good number of festivals, I acknowledge that the quality of teachers does not dictate the quality of dancers attending, nor the quality of DJing.  Enough said.

Even though a tanguera that I want to dance with may not be present near the beginning of the first song, mysteriously and often a tanguera that I desire to dance with appears well after the beginning of a tanda.  Whether it is from the bathroom, outside the milonga hall, from behind someone or a group of people, or from off the dance floor, tangueras may appear.  Waiting often pays off for me.  This seems to happen with tangueros too!  I know that I have appeared from “out of nowhere” and received a cabaceo.  The tanguera that just asked me to dance, sometimes will ask me some version of, “I didn’t see you.  Where were you hiding?”  I just smile and dance.

I think I have done a good job of cabaceoing a tanguera for an entire milonga.  Later in the festival, or perhaps after the festival, I let her know in some communication (IM/ e-mail/ phone/ text) that I really wanted to dance with her and had cabaceoed her.  She responds with, “I didn’t see you/ I wanted to dance with you too/ My sight is terrible/ I didn’t think you would want to dance with me so I didn’t look for your cabaceo.”  And sometimes I have discovered a tanguera was less than truthful in her response to my communication – at a later festival I still did not get her eyes for a cabaceo, but other tangueros did.  Tangueras that use cabaceo, know if they are being cabaceoed, and if they do not respond to a cabaceo, they really do not want to dance with me at that time.  However, I must know if they can see the distance from where I cabaceo them.

If a tanguera wants to dance with me, she will let me know.  If she does not let me know, I am on her B or C list, but not her A list. (A List = must dance with them, and will dance just about any music with them; B List = if someone from A list is not available or have not danced with B list individual in some time; C List = will not dance with them until something changes such as level of dance, level of attraction/ repellant, issue with them, a good amount of time passes)

Without stories, here are observations on illusions that have arisen from stories:

• Just because I watch a tanguera dance a lot one way (open or close embrace) does not mean they do not dance another way.
• Age does not dictate dance ability.
• Years in Tango do not dictate dance ability.
• Dance ability does not dictate level of connection.
• Level of connection often dictates quality of tanda for me – high connection = great tanda!
• Level of kindness of tanguera influences level of connection/ attraction – kinder = greater connection/ attraction!
• Level of rudeness of tanguera influences level of repellant – ruder = greater repellant!
• Everything above about tangueras goes for tangueros

What other illusions have you all found?