Baltimore's Inner Harbor

Now and then a Tango festival offers more insights off the dance floor than on.  Baltimore’s Tango Elements Festival held more outside its milonga halls, continuing my journey with the Tango Matrix through the conjuring of memories.

My festival started in the Baltimore airport as I reminisced with my father over the phone about our past trips to Lexington Market and the Inner Harbor when I lived 45 min. from Baltimore as a kid from age 5-10.  I looked forward to seeing downtown Baltimore during my Super Shuttle ride over to the Tremont Plaza Hotel.  However, after observing the area around Lexington market run down, and viewing the fact that a huge section of an aisle of the market was selling TP, I knew lot had changed and I would not be walking in that area.

On Friday I left on an excursion to the Inner Harbor- quite a touristy area.  I remembered my father taking me to Fort McHenry for lunch, here at the Inner Harbor.  I do not have many good memories of my childhood, so the ones I remembered on Friday were precious.

Other memories that the Inner Harbor called to mind were during my employment as a national trek leader where I drove 4,000 miles every 3 weeks in a 15 passenger van with 13 international customers age 25-35, visiting National parks, forests, city life, night life, attractions and adventures.  I once brought my tourists to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor.  This conjured a time filled with several rich and intense adventures, and reminded me how I used to explore so much more.  My desire climbed to want to explore the world further through Tango.

And a funny thing happened – I ran into a tanguera, Alice (pseudonym), and asked her if she would like my company.  We went off an a mini-adventure which led us first to the American Visionary Art Museum.  Though Alice chose this destination, I willingly went along with an adventurous spirit.  Wow!  If I would have known what I was to stumble upon, I would have visited the museum the day I arrived!  Here is an excerpt that explained their current exhibit of “The Marriage of Art, Science and Philosophy.”:

This exhibition’s 100+ visionary artists/ scientists/ inventors and philosophers take a fresh look at the very notion of flight, color, sound, pattern, number, scale, and purpose in their personal pursuit of wonder.  Along its way, we honor our human need to make sense of all the big questions of existence – an historic and mighty itch, aching to get scratched.  In physics, we call it, “the hunt for a unified theory of everything,” and in religion and myth, is what fuels accounts of creation and Divine intention.  This human longing to know the unknowable is what led French visionary artist Louis Souter, to declare, “If the impossible exists, I’m on its track!”

Once again synchronicity with its magic imbibed my Soul as it pulled me to this unique destination with Alice.  I reveled and contemplated the words, sights and sounds of these visionaries as I felt Divine presence and inspiration.  A summation of all that I had thought before as well as what my present path held with the magic of what lay beyond the Tango Matrix shone as I walked among the works.  Representing and/or residing within the walls of this museum were Tantra, Buddhism, Quantum Physics, String Theory, drawings, “Singing, You Dance on My Eardrum” exploration-of-sound, Einstein, Arthur C. Clark, Carl Sagan, sculptures, quilts, photos, crop circles, quotes of notable philosophers, and so much more.

Alice and I enjoyed discovering so many facets of the exhibit, and at one point we danced Tango to a particular exhibit’s music – “Fever” as sung by Peggy Lee.  For a quarter of a century I have held an underlying view and interest of the majesty of science, imagination and exploration.  This special exhibit exhilarated me, and supplied me with a knowing of being well aligned on my journey.

All in all the museum brought up the many years that I delved into the possibilities of technology, spirituality and science, and the promise of massive evolution of our species.  This museum experience summoned my appreciation for science and the pursuit of wonder, furthering my passion to explore more of the world of magic.

After the museum, our hunger led us to a Spanish Tapas restaurant where we went for an all-you-can-eat tapas special.  Our conversation took many turns.  Of particular interest to Alice- I shared my belief and synthesis of what underlies healing, growth and transformation – that we are Divine beings covering up our magnificence.  All we have to do is to drop into acceptance or our Selves by uncovering our layers of resistance.  I shared how I think way too many personal growth programs and technologies only offer another layer of resistance by programming a way to deal with a problem, instead of dealing with the layer of resistance.  In effect, the programming becomes another layer of resistance.

My sharing evoked the memory of 13 years as a professional body-centered psychotherapist and facilitating and witnessing so many healings and people making their lives better.  I gave this up shortly before Tango caught me.  However, the conversation materialized a new inclination to once again assist people in bettering their lives – probably through uncovering their own passion, purpose and calling.

After returning to the hotel from a long afternoon of adventure and conjuring of memories, I laid down to nap before the milonga, feeling more wonder and magic waiting for me to explore.

And I did find some in the milonga halls and with friends…

A World of Magic as I envision it captured in an artistic rendering of the Aurora Borealis -by Frederic Edwin Church

I reached a pinnacle of negativity after experiencing and witnessing many repelling behaviors at the Stone Soup Tango Festival in Eugene, OR at the start of May 2009.   In my frustration I called out for help.  Friends & foes answered and tried to explain.  However, one man appeared that offered more than just explanation.  Ulysses (pseudonym), an enigmatic man of Tango and life wisdom, has guided and continues to guide me through Argentine Tango and my life path.

This entry is a recap and retrospective before taking the red pill of my personal illuminating and penetrating journey into what I now call- A WORLD OF MAGIC – the IMMENSE and BOUNDLESS energetic interaction of life.

Part 1- Red Pill?

In my frustration over many negative experiences in Tango, I shared with Ulyssess how I sensed a hidden stream of information that could fully account for what I had witnessed, experienced and heard in Tango as well as explain several experiences in my personal life.  Then Ulysses threatened and unraveled my Tango world by presenting me with the choice of a red pill or blue pill – inferring that a Tango Matrix existed.

At this point I did not believe a Tango Matrix existed.  However, Ulysses had become my Morpheus of the Tango Matrix.

Part 2- Deeper Truth

I questioned if a Tango Matrix existed, and if so, did I want to swallow the red or blue pill.   Ulysses led me to believe that knowing more of what really goes on in Tango offers fierce realizations that could eliminate a large portion of joy from Tango.  Historically, I have gone for deeper truth in several areas of life.  I explain what deeper truth is, and I asked Ulysses to help me get a glimpse of the benefits of finding deeper truth in Tango through taking the red pill.  He proposed:  “At your upcoming festival do these two things, and open your eyes to what you see.”

These two behaviors were to simply be kind and confident, with both myself and others.

Denver Tango Festival Day 1- Community Day 2-4- Floating

I shared some of my experiences during the Denver Tango Festival.

I did the two things Ulysses proposed, and saw with a good measure of disbelief, how big of a difference the two behaviors made.  I had had the best festival experience up to that point, and I fathomed the Tango Matrix could be real.

Part 3- Neo’s Incessant Inkling

Ulysses gave further credence to the existence of the Tango Matrix.  I believed that swallowing the red pill would thrust upon me a radically different way of believing, acting, being and envisioning in my life.  In a longer communication with Ulysses, he detailed what it would take to swallow the red pill.  The last two items he detailed were by far the hardest to do:

1. you must have absolute faith (different than religion) as it is the power of personal creation
2. you must absolutely trust that life energy/ Universe is not neutral, but conspires to assist and compel you to be better at ALL times

I am still coming to grips with these last two items as they have become integral in getting to know the world of MAGIC

Part 4- Cubic Centimeter of Chance

I realized a cubic centimeter of chance would soon come my way – a reference to Don Juan’s wisdom in a Carlos Castenada’s book.  In my words a cubic centimeter of chance is:  a portal to vast life change that opens but for a short time, and once you step through this portal, your life immediately executes a profoundly different beneficial trajectory.

In looking back, my cubic centimeter of chance presented itself with Katherine and her call to me for an umbrella Tango dance, and my choice to join her or not!

Part 5- Blue Pill

For years a phenomena in Tango has yanked me to disturbing confirmations, time and again.  I refer to this phenomena of when Tango enthusiasts grow dissatisfied with Tango and eventually quit.  I wonder how often how one deals with their dissatisfactions in Tango is akin to dealing with their dissatisfactions in life?  How often is giving up on Tango similar to taking the blue pill?

The blue pill repelled me, so I looked for a way in (take the red pill).  In getting a closer look of what the blue pill offered, I finally believed the Tango Matrix had existed all along.

“Deeper Truth” of Argentine Language and Tango Illusions

I looked at a bit of satire to get a deeper understanding of how Argentine culture influences Tango.  Within this satire is deeper truth sprinkled throughout.  I also recalled my own observations of what appeared real but was not.

I sought to apprehend benefits in taking the red pill.  I deciphered benefits as I understood reasons underlying behaviors in Milongas and Festivals concerning: cabaceo; snobbery; pecking order; value assigned to leads and follows; selection criteria for choosing teachers; masculine and feminine roles and how they relate to lead and follow roles.  As I became quite repelled in the face of certain behaviors, I decided I would swallow the red pill during my 2 1/2 week trip in my RV to two festivals- Salt Lake City Tango Festival and SFTX (San Francisco Tango Exchange).

Salt Lake City Tango Festival Day 1- Tango Crucible

Within 2 minutes of stepping onto the dance floor of the first milonga of Salt Lake City’s Tango Festival, I found myself in a Tango crucible, incredulous at the speed of entrance.  I intended to go deeper in action with Ulysses’ sage words by being confident and kind to myself, but instead dropped into the pit of my abdomen with a wrenching knotted-up ball of emotions – Tango meltdown!

I knew what I had to do to swallow the red pill and tried, but could not that first night of the festival.  It seemed as if the Universe tested and taunted me – saying I could not have the red pill.  However, the turning point of this journey took place on a lazy rainy Sunday afternoon at Sugar House Park in Salt Lake City with my first Umbrella Tango, and a cubic centimeter of chance…

Seattle Tango Magic Salmon Bake pavilion on Lake Washington Harbor photo by Natalia

The Seattle Tango Magic Festival Salmon Bake cast its spell well before I arrived.  Ever since I heard the rave reviews and felt the mystical aura radiating from the words of those who spoke about this unique event, I yearned to dance there.

As I drove over the Lake Washington Bridge to Kirkland with my newfound magical tanguera, the Salmon Bake became real.   Anticipation grew as my inner child jumped up and down in excitement as if I was waiting in line to be strapped into a rollercoaster (I used to have summer passes to amusement parks).

Then something curious occurred.  While driving up Lake St. to Marina Park, I was flabbergasted by throngs of people walking around in their bathing suits.  I knew Seattle had a heat wave thrust upon it as the thermometer reached over 96 that day.  However, to see so many people walking on beaches to my left and on the streets with bikinis, flip flops, cut off shorts, and guys going shirtless I thought I had transported to San Diego!

I parked; quickly strode to the pavilion; scoped out a spot for my tango suitcase; looked at the long line waiting for salmon and promptly asked my companion to dance.  Upon entering the dance floor with my stunning tanquera partner in a red sparkle camisole, I beamed.

Only a few other couples joined us so we had practically unlimited space to use.  A slight breeze blew into the pavilion with the smell of salmon wafting throughout the space.  The Tango music thumped in my heart.  I floated in my trance and laughed at the delightful movements my partner expressed.  Onlookers gazed at this different sensual and passionate dance – calling forth even more passion.  I danced two tandas in tranced out bliss.

To say this moment was simply a festival highlight is woefully inadequate in expressing my deep appreciation.  That night continued for me with many tandas – this special milonga space infused every one of my tandas with magic!

A half hour before the sun embarked upon its disappearing act, I finally decided to eat some salmon.  I found my two very good friends and hosts, Steve and Linda, went through the waiting line for food, then sat with them.  Their companionship felt so good!  I watched the sunset as I savored the fresh salmon.  If I died that moment, I knew I would have been at the absolute best place, state of being and with the best people around me to leave this world.

My best friend Craig also attended this festival.  To have shared the moment of the salmon bake with him also holds a special place in my heart.  Craig and I have shared many festivals and Tango experiences, and to be able to hang out with him and share these experiences is priceless.  In addition, the number of Tango friends present at the Seattle festival and at this particular milonga infused my heart with a great joy of being in community, feeling a profound sense of belonging.

The power of this magical milonga space and community of friends present created a potent transcendent experience.  This will be one of my favorite Tango memories for all my years, and I suspect upon my deathbed, I will recall the Seattle Salmon Bake.  This singular event left an indelible mark upon my heart, spirit and mind.

Seattle Salmon Bake, I will be back!

Dave at the Grand Milonga at Seattle Tango Magic 2009 with the live band in the background

Now and then a tanguera comes along and captures my Soul with her sensual movement, flowery fragrance, cuddly embrace, radiant aliveness and childlike playfulness.  On Saturday in Seattle such a scenario shadowed me twice in succession.  At the alternative milonga I felt freed where I could play with the music in the ways I so enjoy.  Each follow allowed me to express my joy and impishness.

And at some point I cabaceoed a woman that I had desired to dance with.  When I watched her earlier, I felt that I could easily trance, laugh and walk in great delight with her.  Within 2 phrases of moving with her in my embrace, I could feel a connection lock in where I knew I would go to the place of trance, connection and oneness that I hunger for.

We danced several tandas over the course of the milonga, and had our last dance of the milonga with “Stairway to Heaven”.  As the music faded I acknowledged to myself I just experienced one of the best dances ever.  I thought the tanda was over and I offered a deep sigh and thanks.  I had had a TANGASM.  I hadn’t had time to revel in my tangasm, for another song came on, and a woman hurriedly approached me.   I had wanted to dance with this particular tanguera since I met her at the houseboat pre-milonga party.

Soon after we started, she bewildered me by moving in ways I had never experienced.  The energy of desire and playfulness she expressed went beyond any other dancer to date.  I shook my head several times in my attempt to contain energy she summoned.  By the end of that one song,  I realized that was one of the top dances I ever had.  She had blown me away.

The stars seemed to have aligned with me for that milonga as I was left speechless.  I went up to each of these two amazing tangueras and acknowledged how extraordinary the dances were for me.  To my incredulity they each reciprocated with an equal acknowledgement.  Wow!  I found it hard to believe that my experience of such amazing dances were shared.  Often the experience of a tanda is so different for each dancer, so I never assume my partner had a wonderful time even though I may have.

Dave at Seattle Tango Magic

Part of what made this milonga one of my best ever was how I danced only with those women I wanted to dance with.  I let my desire guide me in choosing who I would ask.  The connection I sensed with each woman greatly influenced my desire to choose to dance with them.

I do not always choose based on desire.  At times I have chosen dances based on past connection or the tanguera’s enthusiasm to dance with me.  When I choose based on desire in the moment, I notice how much better I dance, how much better the milonga is for me, and how much more I can give to the women I dance with.

And with this milonga, I experienced what I now call THE MAGIC OF ONE.  It appears that one individual has the power to make a milonga go from good to great or great to extraordinary.  With one particular tanguera, many of the milongas at the festival went from great to extraordinary.  Overall I had many great dances with so many wonderful tangueras!  Each tanguera was different in how they expressed and moved with me.  I delighted in each of their unique expressions.

My festival ended not with the last milonga, but by hanging out with this Magic of One tanguera for 7 hours at the Seattle airport.  For three of those hours we danced – I had my computer with all of my tango music, tango shoes and desire.  She had her tango shoes and desire.  We set up our milonga space in a hallway next to Starbucks.  The airport police used the corridor to go to their offices, and almost all smiled as they walked by our tango bubble.

Not all the magic of the Seattle Tango Festival has been shared- what transpired at the Salmon Bake deserves its own entry, for the MAGIC OF ONE expresses both the power of transcendent experiences in dancing with one individual and what a milonga space can create.  The Salmon Bake is the most magical of milonga spaces I ever danced in.

Csilla & Dave at the Alternative Milonga in Seattle - photo by Natalia Nk Kalita

Seattle’s Tango Magic was my 29th Tango festival, and stole my heart as my favorite venue and best festival experience to date.  Magic certainly orchestrated opportunities and experiences unique to my Tango life, starting with my first houseboat adventure through dancing 3 hours at the Seattle airport on my return trip to Boulder.

My festival started with a pre-milonga Tango party on a houseboat floating on Lake Union, complete with Salmon, very strong piña coladas, several beautiful women with sexy legs, great company and conversation, friends and a lingering sunset.  The magic started here.

Before I walked onto the houseboat, something about how I was experiencing life- the moment and people had already made itself known through unplugging from the Tango Matrix.  For those of you that have not followed my Tango Matrix series – Ulysses, an enigmatic man of Tango and life wisdom, had recently left me with these words, “Breathe more between the beats.  Follow your desire.  Allow your calling to call. You will collide with treasures waiting for you at one of your next turns…”

On thursday July 23rd, I collided with the awaiting treasures.  It has taken me the days since to fully appreciate and take in the consequences of what I collided with.  As I surrendered to living between the beats of life, my sense of Self, power, connection, calling, purpose, and life direction filled much of my attention as a state of being with knowing.  Several people around me have asked what is different.  No, it is not my hair.

The significance of unplugging from the Tango Matrix revealed more on the houseboat.  To my surprise, I became acutely aware of when, how and where men and women directed their attention, energy, emotion and physicality to each other.  And to my delight I also noticed the energy several women gave to me.  Some call this vibing another.  This attention astonished me, and the greatest amazement turned up in how aware I was of the subtleties others directed energy in this way and that.  I radiated a joy I have not had in awhile.

I relate all of this to make an important point – I had opened myself to receiving magic that I believe is always available to all.  What is magic?  In my view magic is simply the IMMENSE and BOUNDLESS energetic interaction of life.  However, I have found few people open to what is readily apparent.  I am not talking about some woo-woo nebulous thing.  I have a knowing of what I experienced, a knowing which is vastly different than a belief.  I know that as I opened up to magic, an entire world of interaction between people lit up.

Before I opened to magic, peoples’ interaction shone dimly, but on the house boat individuals’ attention, energy, interaction, non-verbal languaging, physical posturing and emotional states shined brightly!  I smiled a lot, and would have enjoyed letting someone in on what I was experiencing, particularly Natalia.  However, I had entered into a very blissful and playful state, so I allowed myself to luxuriate in the magic.

Onto China Harbor I did go.  I was giddy with joy.  Did I mention the strong piña coladas?  Well, I am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and I obviously underestimated the strength of what Lily concocted.  I danced with more tipsiness by far than ever before.  Even though it was fun, I had to focus much more than I wanted on my axis and surroundings to dance.  And the rum also clouded some of the brilliance of magic I continued to experience.  Luckily a couple hours later the rum wore off.  However, the brilliance of the magic did not.

The magic had already caught and entranced me.  However, as the festival unfolded, so did my magical experiences…