Comments on: Tango & Living as an Apology Part 1 of 3- The Apology

By: Relja Dereta

Relja Dereta — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 13:11:16 +0000

A truly honest list of all the doubts and apologies running through our minds, both in tango and in life. Wonderful post!

The only thing I wish to say is that you take Naveira’s advice with a time limit in mind – explore the other extreme (caring about you and not the woman) for a few milongas, weeks or maybe even months, but use it as something which will give you a better understanding of how and why one dances tango, and not as a guiding principle for the rest of your life. Tango is danced neither for you nor your partner, but for the both of you (and let’s not forget the ronda etc. .

By: Greta

Greta — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 16:30:25 +0000

About 6 months into my journey into tango dancing I made the decision to actively quit saying “I’m sorry.” As a beginner it was natural to have the need to apologize for everything. Even though I may have stopped saying the words out loud, and perhaps the inner apologies may have quieted, it is doubtful they ever went away. The apologies have come in waves during my learning of tango. I did go through a phase after my first year, as my skill and confidence increased and my partners gave me compliments and pounded the mantra into my head “it’s always the leaders’ fault” (which I have never been able to completely swallow by the way) where I did show up fairly consistently without apologies. Ah, but here’s the trouble. Once I decided I was now at a higher level of dancing my expectations rose. Now I have new responsibilities. “I’m sorry that you think I am a better dancer than I really am,” “I’m sorry we had a glorious dance before and now I am tripping over my own feet….” The apologies have returned. New growth brings us back to the adolescent stage. We will always find ourselves back at the beginning as we move into another stage of learning. It is my challenge to stay kind to myself as I move into a new and less-than perfect state (which is actually every moment). From my mind, my dance is always less than perfect and therefore unacceptable. From my heart, it is always perfect and divine. Let me move from my heart and forgive myself for every beautifully imperfect moment.

By: Kundalini

Kundalini — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:59:42 +0000

Wow, I really like what you have written. Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing. I love the idea of not dancing as an apology.

By: Mari

Mari — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 02:23:03 +0000

I have danced, and unfortunately find myself still dancing, in a constant state of apology. It’s a struggle at every milonga, every class, every practica. Sometimes I can turn it off and the result can knock me to my knees in sheer gratitude.

I don’t really know how much I agree or disagree with “dance for yourself”. We must all find our own dance, and dance our soul’s dance – but for me, it’s been in the state of entrega, in surrendering my ego, my preconceptions, my demanding inner critic, that I have gotten glimpses of my soul’s dance. I wish it weren’t so fleeting.

We can truly only dance who we are – though I may try constantly to dance to please the critic in my head. I do still dance for my partner, in whatever that means. It’s only when I stop dancing for the inner critic, the “observer” that pulls me out of the connection to my leader and the music, that I can release all the apologies, all the insecurities.

I’m so glad to read your writing again. It seems like ages and ages…

By: Brian Salisbury

Brian Salisbury — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:44:05 +0000

Express the music as you feel it. Express the mood you feel from the floor, the couple ahead, behind, 20 couples away. Design a dance that “fits” into the puzzle of that evening’s milonga. If your partner is oblivious to those things, there will be no pleasing her no matter what.