This is how the Birmingham hip replacements look after installed. I am now officially a cyborg.

I was literally looking at a life without Tango.  I asked myself, was it worth dying for?  Now, it was only a 1 in 8,000 chance I would die from the anesthesia.  But the 50/50 chance of it not working, which would mean walking would be severely painful, and no turning back from getting implants?  I knew my answer within minutes of my doctor giving me these odds.

I did my due diligence to make the odds work for me, with research and other expert opinions.  I went back to Dr. Rector after due-diligence and TOLD him to do the surgery.  He asked me if I was sure.  I looked him in the eye and said, do it or I will get the next doctor to do it, but I prefer you!  I chose the first available slot he had -11 days later.

On April 11th 2008 I had hip resurfacing on my right hip, and June 20th 2008 had hip resurfacing on my left hip.  Resurfacing is 3rd generation hip replacements where the femur head is not chopped off, but instead capped with a chromium-cobalt metal ball and the hip is reamed out and a chromium-cobalt socket is hammered into it.  Yes, replacement surgeries are akin to carpentry.  Hip resurfacing is actually way more painful in recovery, for the entire femur head is popped out of the socket and out of the body through a 7 inch cut in the hip.  This racial carpentry is needed to fit the femur head with a cap.

This is more than a little painful upon waking.  I took EVERY drug available to me at full dose -8 drugs, except for morphine for the first hip resurfacing.  With the second hip resurfacing, I woke up and within 2 minutes demanded a morphine drip!  In addition, it took 8-12 weeks to get over the deep-bone pain.  The deep bone pain I experienced is akin to bone cancer.  And for those of you who think I had a joy ride on full dosing of percocet, know that percocet goes directly to dealing with pain.  If not in pain, you get a good high.  While in excruciating pain, you get less pain only!

As soon as the bone pain left, I went off percocet and did not crave more (so much for my critics telling me that I was addicted to pain killers).  Of course, biologically, my body did have interesting withdrawal symptoms – shaking as if I was in seizure.  This became interesting once while I drove my car.

The final cost was $120,000 for both hip replacements – I paid only a little over $4,000 (yeah for insurance!).  By the way, Rusty Cline in Tucson, AZ has also had a hip resurfacing – we are called surface hippie buddies.

SO- for over 2 years I danced with considerable pain.  I still have some pain, which is slowly receding.  I know what it is like to live on percocet for months.  I have learned a few things about balance, engaged frame and core, and being efficient with my movement as well as pacing my dancing.  In addition, I have a healthy respect for modern medicine!  And I do not take running, walking or dancing for granted.

I will leave you readers with severe hip challenges with this- every story of hip replacement and hip resurfacing that I have read or heard had one comment in common – EVERYONE wished they had surgery sooner than they actually did.  Because of my complete passion for Argentine Tango, I am one of the few exceptions – I not only did not wait to get surgery, I took every first available slot with doctors/ surgeons to get my full ability to dance Tango back.  Hmmm, what I do for my mistress (Tango).

I received Birmingham implants in my right and left hips.

You will notice two curious things if you read my past entries – I have not blogged for almost 2 years, and the last entries alluded to something huge going on with my health which I did not know at the time.  For the record, in those two years, I have had  1 arthroscopic hip surgery, 2 hip replacements, massive pain and depression.  Here is my story.

On Monday, June 4th 2007 I woke up with a lot of pain in my back.  Shortly after waking up, I went to pick up my laptop computer from the floor, and collapsed onto the floor with massive pain and back spasm.  I had to call my neighbors for food and water as I could only lay on the floor.  It took me 10 minutes to crawl to the toilet and way too much pain to use it.

Four days later I was finally able to drive to the doctor, and went on full dosing of Vicadin.  After 2 months of full vicadin dosing, my doctor ordered MRI’s and found that I was screwed - I had a disease in my teens that deformed both of my femur heads, which led to severe osteo-arthritis.  I needed surgery to attempt to buy me time before 2 eventual hip replacements.

I asked around for and then went to one of the best hip surgeons in the Denver Metro area – Dr. Armando Vidal.  What a great name!  And how the women swooned over him and his male assistants – all GQ quality.  One friend told me she would seriously do the whole surgical team if she had a chance  You know who you are…

On Dec. 5th 2007, I had arthroscopic surgery on my right hip.  Shortly after I woke up from surgery, I discovered that almost 2/3 of my cartilage was shot – I had not bought myself much time.  Dr. Vidal had warned me that MRI’s do not tell the whole story, so it was possible I would not get much from the surgery.  However, it was worth a shot!

I danced 3 weeks later.  Up till that point, 3 weeks had been the longest I had gone without dancing.  To have the opportunity to dance Tango, it was worth the pain.  I did my best to not let my dance partners know how much pain I experienced, for I did not want them dancing differently.  However, I did not lead ganchos!  The San Diego festival of 2008 challenged me, to put it lightly.

I continued dancing, and during the 2008 Valentango festival, I felt so much pain I may have never been lower in my life.  While on the dance floor, I stifled back many tears of pain, and walking back from each milonga was excruciating.  The one thing that I had become most passionate about – Tango – I had to acknowledge the possibility I would never dance it again.  Upon that realization, I made appointments to see a couple of doctors/ surgeons to immediately get hip replacements.

My all-time favorite doctor, Dr. Bereznoff, counseled me to stop dancing for good, and that if I went through with hip replacement surgery, I could die, and that there was literally a 50/50 chance it would not work!  Good doctor/ Bad News!  The top surgeon for hip replacements within 100′s of miles, Dr. Rector, told me to get 2 more opinions and he suggested I stop dancing and not get any surgery for 5-10 years.

OK – what would you do?

I sit here contemplating how to start my blog while listening to “Nothing Else Matters” by Inquisition Symphony.  I chose this song because of its complexity, beauty, and the depth of which it permeates my soul.  Tango does this to me – permeates my soul.  Tango does more than this – 95% of what I am passionate about shows up in Tango – Tango FEEDS me, pulls me, shoves me, heals me, cuts me, angers me, humbles me, loves me, spits at me and caresses me.  Tango is my life now, and there has been no going back for quite some time.  Tango is my mistress, and from the beginning she seduced me as the most horrifying but enchanting of sirens.

I started dancing and training in Tango on November 3rd, 2005.  Since I started Tango my life has become so completely different.  I am actually embarrassed at some of the changes – from health nut to healthy but a cigar aficionado; from facilitator of Soul/ life changes and healer to business consultant doubling the profitability of businesses in under 1 year; from caring about many politically correct things to caring more about alternative music versus traditional tango music.

Enough of the changes – I sit here on the precipice of putting my self out as not just a dancer, but as a new teacher, tango web resource and community leader.  I am scared – even though I have heard from many who do like me and give me lots of encouragement, I have also heard from a few people who do not like me.  I want to be liked.  Pretty common, eh?

Tango has become my community.  And I want to contribute much more.  And now I am reading over my last paragraph, concerned how I will be perceived by even putting these words out.  I just want to dance.  Actually, I want much more than this.  I want to help bring others to this world of Tango.  In my deep desire to share my own joy and invite and inspire others to join in, I must put my self out.  It is not OK to just sit by dancing, and NOT share my joy, my knowledge, my passion of what has grabbed and dragged my Soul into such a vastly different world.

Now what?  Continue sharing my bliss.

Last night was a Milonga in Boulder.  I didn’t go.  This is a rarity.  What I did instead was to watch 2 movies I own — “Van Wilder” and “American Wedding” of the American Pie series.  Why would I, a bona-fide Tanguero, intoxicated by the mistress, watch these two silly movies instead of Tango?

Emotionally, these two movies spark within very present in-my-face challenges through two characters going forth with one’s imagined dream life.  Van Wilder wrestles with going forth by daring to be great.  Jim (of American Wedding) wrestles with going forth by continuing in the face of several ridiculous and embarrassing disasters he creates.  They both prevail.  Good message.  Excellent encouragement.  I am still scared…