This is how the Birmingham hip replacements look after installed. I am now officially a cyborg.

I was literally looking at a life without Tango.  I asked myself, was it worth dying for?  Now, it was only a 1 in 8,000 chance I would die from the anesthesia.  But the 50/50 chance of it not working, which would mean walking would be severely painful, and no turning back from getting implants?  I knew my answer within minutes of my doctor giving me these odds.

I did my due diligence to make the odds work for me, with research and other expert opinions.  I went back to Dr. Rector after due-diligence and TOLD him to do the surgery.  He asked me if I was sure.  I looked him in the eye and said, do it or I will get the next doctor to do it, but I prefer you!  I chose the first available slot he had -11 days later.

On April 11th 2008 I had hip resurfacing on my right hip, and June 20th 2008 had hip resurfacing on my left hip.  Resurfacing is 3rd generation hip replacements where the femur head is not chopped off, but instead capped with a chromium-cobalt metal ball and the hip is reamed out and a chromium-cobalt socket is hammered into it.  Yes, replacement surgeries are akin to carpentry.  Hip resurfacing is actually way more painful in recovery, for the entire femur head is popped out of the socket and out of the body through a 7 inch cut in the hip.  This racial carpentry is needed to fit the femur head with a cap.

This is more than a little painful upon waking.  I took EVERY drug available to me at full dose -8 drugs, except for morphine for the first hip resurfacing.  With the second hip resurfacing, I woke up and within 2 minutes demanded a morphine drip!  In addition, it took 8-12 weeks to get over the deep-bone pain.  The deep bone pain I experienced is akin to bone cancer.  And for those of you who think I had a joy ride on full dosing of percocet, know that percocet goes directly to dealing with pain.  If not in pain, you get a good high.  While in excruciating pain, you get less pain only!

As soon as the bone pain left, I went off percocet and did not crave more (so much for my critics telling me that I was addicted to pain killers).  Of course, biologically, my body did have interesting withdrawal symptoms – shaking as if I was in seizure.  This became interesting once while I drove my car.

The final cost was $120,000 for both hip replacements – I paid only a little over $4,000 (yeah for insurance!).  By the way, Rusty Cline in Tucson, AZ has also had a hip resurfacing – we are called surface hippie buddies.

SO- for over 2 years I danced with considerable pain.  I still have some pain, which is slowly receding.  I know what it is like to live on percocet for months.  I have learned a few things about balance, engaged frame and core, and being efficient with my movement as well as pacing my dancing.  In addition, I have a healthy respect for modern medicine!  And I do not take running, walking or dancing for granted.

I will leave you readers with severe hip challenges with this- every story of hip replacement and hip resurfacing that I have read or heard had one comment in common – EVERYONE wished they had surgery sooner than they actually did.  Because of my complete passion for Argentine Tango, I am one of the few exceptions – I not only did not wait to get surgery, I took every first available slot with doctors/ surgeons to get my full ability to dance Tango back.  Hmmm, what I do for my mistress (Tango).

I received Birmingham implants in my right and left hips.

You will notice two curious things if you read my past entries – I have not blogged for almost 2 years, and the last entries alluded to something huge going on with my health which I did not know at the time.  For the record, in those two years, I have had  1 arthroscopic hip surgery, 2 hip replacements, massive pain and depression.  Here is my story.

On Monday, June 4th 2007 I woke up with a lot of pain in my back.  Shortly after waking up, I went to pick up my laptop computer from the floor, and collapsed onto the floor with massive pain and back spasm.  I had to call my neighbors for food and water as I could only lay on the floor.  It took me 10 minutes to crawl to the toilet and way too much pain to use it.

Four days later I was finally able to drive to the doctor, and went on full dosing of Vicadin.  After 2 months of full vicadin dosing, my doctor ordered MRI’s and found that I was screwed - I had a disease in my teens that deformed both of my femur heads, which led to severe osteo-arthritis.  I needed surgery to attempt to buy me time before 2 eventual hip replacements.

I asked around for and then went to one of the best hip surgeons in the Denver Metro area – Dr. Armando Vidal.  What a great name!  And how the women swooned over him and his male assistants – all GQ quality.  One friend told me she would seriously do the whole surgical team if she had a chance  You know who you are…

On Dec. 5th 2007, I had arthroscopic surgery on my right hip.  Shortly after I woke up from surgery, I discovered that almost 2/3 of my cartilage was shot – I had not bought myself much time.  Dr. Vidal had warned me that MRI’s do not tell the whole story, so it was possible I would not get much from the surgery.  However, it was worth a shot!

I danced 3 weeks later.  Up till that point, 3 weeks had been the longest I had gone without dancing.  To have the opportunity to dance Tango, it was worth the pain.  I did my best to not let my dance partners know how much pain I experienced, for I did not want them dancing differently.  However, I did not lead ganchos!  The San Diego festival of 2008 challenged me, to put it lightly.

I continued dancing, and during the 2008 Valentango festival, I felt so much pain I may have never been lower in my life.  While on the dance floor, I stifled back many tears of pain, and walking back from each milonga was excruciating.  The one thing that I had become most passionate about – Tango – I had to acknowledge the possibility I would never dance it again.  Upon that realization, I made appointments to see a couple of doctors/ surgeons to immediately get hip replacements.

My all-time favorite doctor, Dr. Bereznoff, counseled me to stop dancing for good, and that if I went through with hip replacement surgery, I could die, and that there was literally a 50/50 chance it would not work!  Good doctor/ Bad News!  The top surgeon for hip replacements within 100′s of miles, Dr. Rector, told me to get 2 more opinions and he suggested I stop dancing and not get any surgery for 5-10 years.

OK – what would you do?

I sit here on Monday morning, a week after I acutely sprained my back.  I am in a haze.  I have not danced in 10 days, and am dazed by pain killers with the nagging sense that my life is little without Tango.  In the past 10 days I have diligently worked on my professional Tango life, constructing my web site, writing my workshop guides, writing about how I can accelerate people’s rate of learning Tango from 50-500%, and researching institutions that grant Ph.D.’s in dance and education to research and evolve my methodologies of rapid learning.

Yet I have not danced.  My nights, usually filled with Tango music, delicious dances, kisses of the Divine, heart-filled relating, and sweating from enthusiastic milongas, have been empty.  A movie here and there is so empty. Once I got into Tango I thought I would not have lonely empty nights.

And during the past 10 days I have been working and envisioning my life as a Tango professional – without moving my body.  I haven’t even listened to Tango music the entire 10 days.  It was just too sad to hear the music without being able to dance it.  Again, I am aware of the haze I am in.

However, I am excited about moving forward into the professional aspects of Tango in the coming days – my first 5 pack of Tango lessons starts tomorrow; I DJ the first alternative practica downstairs at the Turnverein in Denver tomorrow; this Saturday I teach my first Tango workshop in Kansas City, MO; this week I finalize my booking of the August Teaching Tour in the upper midwest; my Tango Teaching Tour for the Kansas City 200 mile radius area is coming together; and my e-commerce foundation is coming together too.

What is this haze?  Is it the pain killers?  The extreme lack of movement in 10 days?  I could name many factors influencing my haze.  However, the metaphor of this haze is more telling and important.

I am getting as I write this that my Haze represents over 20 years of 35% productivity and/ or outward expression of passion.  Up until now, I have only operated on 1/3 of my ability in putting out my passion professionally.  What I mean by operating on 1/3 of my ability – hours working, marketing, sales, writing, studying in whatever I was doing.  For over 13 years I worked professionally in the personal growth fields, yet I could have done 3x the amount.  I was only operating on 3 out of 10 cylinders.

And no, I am not being hard on myself (as some people like to tell me).  I am only stating the facts.  Today I am aware of operating on just 3 out of 10 cylinders.  There were a few times in my life I operated on more cylinders.  When I was a national tour guide I operated on 9 out of 10 cylinders, or as a ski instructor at Keystone – 7 out of 10, or when I created and put on workshops and events for singles to meet – 7.5 out of 10.

I am acutely aware of my strong desire to bring my operational capability up to 9 cylinders out of 10 consistently.  This desire is in stark contrast to the haze I currently feel, the haze that I believe I have been living for the great majority of my adult life.

I know what operating on a high level of 9 cylinders looks and l feels like.  My question is what would fire up those other cylinders?  I just answered the question in my head and I am shocked – my answer is if I knew for sure I would manifest my current dreams, I would operate on 9 or 10 cylinders.   My life dreams cover life partner, financial prosperity and freedom, full Tango and Dance coach lifestyle (intensive Tango training/ 18 festivals a year – teaching at most/ travel 6 months a year/ milonga 6 days a week), full vitality and longevity and dream houses.

Why I am shocked is that I am operating as if I will not get those things.  However, if I were to operate on 9 cylinders I would manifest these things.  I seem to be waiting for my dreams to manifest to operate on 9 cylinders.  Quite a little messed up circle of hindering beliefs I have been living.

I will report later on what comes of this awareness of what I call transparent beliefs (beliefs unknown, unseen, transparent.)

Where in your life are you operating on only a small percentage of the cylinders you have available?  How long have you operated like this?  Why?  What would fire up your other cylinders?

I get the danger of not maintaining my health and structural integrity. This is a danger sign in front of a hot pool at Yellowstone National Park. One must watch their footing or they may be scalded to death if they walk off the designated path.

On Monday morning I awoke feeling much better than I had in 5 weeks of illnesses and medications.  And then as I bent over to pick up my laptop, an intense sharp pain dropped me to the floor where I stayed for an hour and a half before I was able to crawl to my bathroom.  I spent that day and the next day in bed, calling my neighbors to come over to bring food and water.  I could not move without severe pain.

On Wednesday, I could finally move a bit more to my kitchen briefly, and with enough Vicodin, I was able to get to a doctor for x-rays.  Nothing structurally had happened.  I just had an acute sprain of my sacral area.  I had to cancel my Midwest Tango Teaching Tour.  I was so bummed.

Today, I am reflecting on how just a few days ago I had blogged on the importance of my health.  Yeah, I get it!  What is even more important than training with dance partners or watching videos or going to festivals or taking classes is building my health and structural integrity.  I have been in bed with enough pain and lost out on enough dancing to get it.  GOT IT.

I have only danced 5 hours since the end of the Denver Memorial Day festival, so by the end of this week, I will have danced the least amount in 2 weeks since I started dancing Tango.  How did this happen?  Because I had been so sick in 5 weeks, I hardly exercised.  Then when I went to pull weeds for an hour, I over did it.  I did not engage my core, and I was not checking in with my body.

How many of us overdo it by dancing to all hours of the night without building up our strength or checking in with our bodies?  It is so easy for me to overdo it while I am experiencing my Tango Trances.  This overdoing it reminds me of a perennial spiritual challenge: to experience bliss consistently requires groundedness, where we have a life that is working, where we are responsible and maintain balance in all areas of our life.  If one goes for bliss without groundedness, one usually experiences big problems.  I have met wonderful spiritual people that cannot balance their checkbooks nor maintain a healthy relationship with their significant other, or they are in horrible health.

I have been warned about being out of balance …

I have been ill for over a month.  With my visit to Buenos Aires for 5 1/2 weeks in October/ November I have had pneumonia 2X, and been ill 3X.  I dance close to the limits of my health, and sometimes go beyond them.  I find that my ability to dance and learn Tango at an increasingly accelerated rate depends greatly upon the state of my body – my health and fitness level.

I am sure that this little revelation is not news to most of you.  However, what may be news to some of you is that sometimes cultivating greater skills in Tango requires attention on the body, not Tango.  In other words, I am at a point in my Tango learning where I must change my body’s health, fitness, and structure to maximize learning as well as being a productive Tango professional.

I want to note how important it is in accelerating Tango learning that we must go outside of Tango.  Tango brings up many issues, and our growth in Tango directly depends on how we process/ deal with these issues.  Issues may come up in the arenas of emotional, physical, spiritual, mental, social and political.

My next steps:

• Get down to 12% body fat with a body weight of 160 lbs. (this requires a loss of @23 lbs. of fat and an increase of 10 lbs. of muscle)
• Train with Kettlebells to dramatically increase core strength and flexibility, and reduce my kyphosis
• Train in YOGA to dramatically increase flexibility and body awareness
• Track my food intake to determine macro-nutrient ratios and tweak for optimal metabolic activity and therefore fat loss
• Work with pulmonary specialist and my general doctor to determine course of action to strengthen lungs and immune system

I intend to take pictures of my body to track the changes.  I did this once before when I did the Body For Life Challenge.  As I write these words of my intentions, I am quite aware of how sick I have been.  Even the thought of exercising right now as I cough is daunting.  However, I realize how important my health and fitness is to growing in Tango and being able to dance to the wee hours at milongas.

What are your weak areas or unprocessed issues that keep you from maximizing your ability to learn Tango at an accelerated rate?  What would you do to experience greater dances, connection and Kisses from the Divine (Tango Bliss)?