Dave Donatiu at Denver Labor Day Tango Festival 2009 - Photo by Paul Akmajian

I sit here on Friday early afternoon before the “welcoming milonga” feeling into my state of being as to how I am showing up right now.  What am I feeling?  Where is my attention?  What are my intentions?

I remind myself that right before the last Denver Tango Festival at Memorial Day, Ulysses proposed doing two things – be kind and confident to myself and others.  This proposal opened the doorway to realizing that my incessant inkling of a profound deeper truth existing in Tango, actually exists - The Tango Matrix.  My journey in three months time has wrenched my heart and soul into insights and awarenesses that leave me confronted with a salient bottom line certainty- I get to choose how I show up in the world, yet often I do not.

I believe my choice of showing up originated from as early as I became a sentient being, whenever that was.  Obviously, several levels of showing up can be found.  Yet here I am, aware that I usually do not consciously show up, and certainly do not choose with gusto most of the time.   However, I could enter the milonga hall in 2 hours with an indifference, an unconscious way of being, and still dance, connect, talk, laugh, smile, and be.

But what SCREAMS AT ME are the consequences of being indifferent after experiencing the astonishing power of Magic through the Tango Matrix.  I can continue to feel as I do now- sleepy, somewhat numb, reserved and lightly held back, a little sad and lonely, all because I am not fully showing up.

Many of you who know me would probably say, and do tell me, that you see me as happy, joyful in dancing, smiling a lot, playful and energetic.  I am.  Yet I am also keenly aware of greater levels of showing up – a deeper truth in showing up.  The MAGIC of The Tango Matrix clearly and distinctly offers a vast level of presence, composure, empathy, connection and joy.

What is available within the world of Magic is wonderous, immense, bold, joyous and supremely fulfilling.  How I access this world is through intention, consciousness and humility, dropping into my presence, heart, body, and allowing the wonderment of each individual I connect with to radiate and fill me.  This is a stronger way of showing up, bringing myself to the party/ milonga.

Reflecting on showing up brings to mind the words: intimacy- allowing others to see me by feeling my emotions and breath; presence- feeling my body, breathing into my own lungs, owning my space; awareness- aware of my environment, and intentionally breathing into the presence of others; and connection- opening unconditionally to my partner’s state of being.

SHOWING UP directly impacts the quality of my experience in Tango, on and off the floor in the milonga.  And just as important is that the quality of the dance and my partner’s experience is immensely impacted by how I show up.

In an e-mail, Ulysses weighed in on showing up and Tango:

“Dave, showing up IS Tango, as well as our expression of life.  How we show up IS connection and our tanda on the dance floor: our body’s movement and breath, our partner’s movement and breath, the Tango music and its breath, and the movement and breath of every other couple on the dance floor.  To not show up is to not know Tango.”

Baltimore's Inner Harbor

Now and then a Tango festival offers more insights off the dance floor than on.  Baltimore’s Tango Elements Festival held more outside its milonga halls, continuing my journey with the Tango Matrix through the conjuring of memories.

My festival started in the Baltimore airport as I reminisced with my father over the phone about our past trips to Lexington Market and the Inner Harbor when I lived 45 min. from Baltimore as a kid from age 5-10.  I looked forward to seeing downtown Baltimore during my Super Shuttle ride over to the Tremont Plaza Hotel.  However, after observing the area around Lexington market run down, and viewing the fact that a huge section of an aisle of the market was selling TP, I knew lot had changed and I would not be walking in that area.

On Friday I left on an excursion to the Inner Harbor- quite a touristy area.  I remembered my father taking me to Fort McHenry for lunch, here at the Inner Harbor.  I do not have many good memories of my childhood, so the ones I remembered on Friday were precious.

Other memories that the Inner Harbor called to mind were during my employment as a national trek leader where I drove 4,000 miles every 3 weeks in a 15 passenger van with 13 international customers age 25-35, visiting National parks, forests, city life, night life, attractions and adventures.  I once brought my tourists to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor.  This conjured a time filled with several rich and intense adventures, and reminded me how I used to explore so much more.  My desire climbed to want to explore the world further through Tango.

And a funny thing happened – I ran into a tanguera, Alice (pseudonym), and asked her if she would like my company.  We went off an a mini-adventure which led us first to the American Visionary Art Museum.  Though Alice chose this destination, I willingly went along with an adventurous spirit.  Wow!  If I would have known what I was to stumble upon, I would have visited the museum the day I arrived!  Here is an excerpt that explained their current exhibit of “The Marriage of Art, Science and Philosophy.”:

This exhibition’s 100+ visionary artists/ scientists/ inventors and philosophers take a fresh look at the very notion of flight, color, sound, pattern, number, scale, and purpose in their personal pursuit of wonder.  Along its way, we honor our human need to make sense of all the big questions of existence – an historic and mighty itch, aching to get scratched.  In physics, we call it, “the hunt for a unified theory of everything,” and in religion and myth, is what fuels accounts of creation and Divine intention.  This human longing to know the unknowable is what led French visionary artist Louis Souter, to declare, “If the impossible exists, I’m on its track!”

Once again synchronicity with its magic imbibed my Soul as it pulled me to this unique destination with Alice.  I reveled and contemplated the words, sights and sounds of these visionaries as I felt Divine presence and inspiration.  A summation of all that I had thought before as well as what my present path held with the magic of what lay beyond the Tango Matrix shone as I walked among the works.  Representing and/or residing within the walls of this museum were Tantra, Buddhism, Quantum Physics, String Theory, drawings, “Singing, You Dance on My Eardrum” exploration-of-sound, Einstein, Arthur C. Clark, Carl Sagan, sculptures, quilts, photos, crop circles, quotes of notable philosophers, and so much more.

Alice and I enjoyed discovering so many facets of the exhibit, and at one point we danced Tango to a particular exhibit’s music – “Fever” as sung by Peggy Lee.  For a quarter of a century I have held an underlying view and interest of the majesty of science, imagination and exploration.  This special exhibit exhilarated me, and supplied me with a knowing of being well aligned on my journey.

All in all the museum brought up the many years that I delved into the possibilities of technology, spirituality and science, and the promise of massive evolution of our species.  This museum experience summoned my appreciation for science and the pursuit of wonder, furthering my passion to explore more of the world of magic.

After the museum, our hunger led us to a Spanish Tapas restaurant where we went for an all-you-can-eat tapas special.  Our conversation took many turns.  Of particular interest to Alice- I shared my belief and synthesis of what underlies healing, growth and transformation – that we are Divine beings covering up our magnificence.  All we have to do is to drop into acceptance or our Selves by uncovering our layers of resistance.  I shared how I think way too many personal growth programs and technologies only offer another layer of resistance by programming a way to deal with a problem, instead of dealing with the layer of resistance.  In effect, the programming becomes another layer of resistance.

My sharing evoked the memory of 13 years as a professional body-centered psychotherapist and facilitating and witnessing so many healings and people making their lives better.  I gave this up shortly before Tango caught me.  However, the conversation materialized a new inclination to once again assist people in bettering their lives – probably through uncovering their own passion, purpose and calling.

After returning to the hotel from a long afternoon of adventure and conjuring of memories, I laid down to nap before the milonga, feeling more wonder and magic waiting for me to explore.

And I did find some in the milonga halls and with friends…

A World of Magic as I envision it captured in an artistic rendering of the Aurora Borealis -by Frederic Edwin Church

I reached a pinnacle of negativity after experiencing and witnessing many repelling behaviors at the Stone Soup Tango Festival in Eugene, OR at the start of May 2009.   In my frustration I called out for help.  Friends & foes answered and tried to explain.  However, one man appeared that offered more than just explanation.  Ulysses (pseudonym), an enigmatic man of Tango and life wisdom, has guided and continues to guide me through Argentine Tango and my life path.

This entry is a recap and retrospective before taking the red pill of my personal illuminating and penetrating journey into what I now call- A WORLD OF MAGIC – the IMMENSE and BOUNDLESS energetic interaction of life.

Part 1- Red Pill?

In my frustration over many negative experiences in Tango, I shared with Ulyssess how I sensed a hidden stream of information that could fully account for what I had witnessed, experienced and heard in Tango as well as explain several experiences in my personal life.  Then Ulysses threatened and unraveled my Tango world by presenting me with the choice of a red pill or blue pill – inferring that a Tango Matrix existed.

At this point I did not believe a Tango Matrix existed.  However, Ulysses had become my Morpheus of the Tango Matrix.

Part 2- Deeper Truth

I questioned if a Tango Matrix existed, and if so, did I want to swallow the red or blue pill.   Ulysses led me to believe that knowing more of what really goes on in Tango offers fierce realizations that could eliminate a large portion of joy from Tango.  Historically, I have gone for deeper truth in several areas of life.  I explain what deeper truth is, and I asked Ulysses to help me get a glimpse of the benefits of finding deeper truth in Tango through taking the red pill.  He proposed:  “At your upcoming festival do these two things, and open your eyes to what you see.”

These two behaviors were to simply be kind and confident, with both myself and others.

Denver Tango Festival Day 1- Community Day 2-4- Floating

I shared some of my experiences during the Denver Tango Festival.

I did the two things Ulysses proposed, and saw with a good measure of disbelief, how big of a difference the two behaviors made.  I had had the best festival experience up to that point, and I fathomed the Tango Matrix could be real.

Part 3- Neo’s Incessant Inkling

Ulysses gave further credence to the existence of the Tango Matrix.  I believed that swallowing the red pill would thrust upon me a radically different way of believing, acting, being and envisioning in my life.  In a longer communication with Ulysses, he detailed what it would take to swallow the red pill.  The last two items he detailed were by far the hardest to do:

1. you must have absolute faith (different than religion) as it is the power of personal creation
2. you must absolutely trust that life energy/ Universe is not neutral, but conspires to assist and compel you to be better at ALL times

I am still coming to grips with these last two items as they have become integral in getting to know the world of MAGIC

Part 4- Cubic Centimeter of Chance

I realized a cubic centimeter of chance would soon come my way – a reference to Don Juan’s wisdom in a Carlos Castenada’s book.  In my words a cubic centimeter of chance is:  a portal to vast life change that opens but for a short time, and once you step through this portal, your life immediately executes a profoundly different beneficial trajectory.

In looking back, my cubic centimeter of chance presented itself with Katherine and her call to me for an umbrella Tango dance, and my choice to join her or not!

Part 5- Blue Pill

For years a phenomena in Tango has yanked me to disturbing confirmations, time and again.  I refer to this phenomena of when Tango enthusiasts grow dissatisfied with Tango and eventually quit.  I wonder how often how one deals with their dissatisfactions in Tango is akin to dealing with their dissatisfactions in life?  How often is giving up on Tango similar to taking the blue pill?

The blue pill repelled me, so I looked for a way in (take the red pill).  In getting a closer look of what the blue pill offered, I finally believed the Tango Matrix had existed all along.

“Deeper Truth” of Argentine Language and Tango Illusions

I looked at a bit of satire to get a deeper understanding of how Argentine culture influences Tango.  Within this satire is deeper truth sprinkled throughout.  I also recalled my own observations of what appeared real but was not.

I sought to apprehend benefits in taking the red pill.  I deciphered benefits as I understood reasons underlying behaviors in Milongas and Festivals concerning: cabaceo; snobbery; pecking order; value assigned to leads and follows; selection criteria for choosing teachers; masculine and feminine roles and how they relate to lead and follow roles.  As I became quite repelled in the face of certain behaviors, I decided I would swallow the red pill during my 2 1/2 week trip in my RV to two festivals- Salt Lake City Tango Festival and SFTX (San Francisco Tango Exchange).

Salt Lake City Tango Festival Day 1- Tango Crucible

Within 2 minutes of stepping onto the dance floor of the first milonga of Salt Lake City’s Tango Festival, I found myself in a Tango crucible, incredulous at the speed of entrance.  I intended to go deeper in action with Ulysses’ sage words by being confident and kind to myself, but instead dropped into the pit of my abdomen with a wrenching knotted-up ball of emotions – Tango meltdown!

I knew what I had to do to swallow the red pill and tried, but could not that first night of the festival.  It seemed as if the Universe tested and taunted me – saying I could not have the red pill.  However, the turning point of this journey took place on a lazy rainy Sunday afternoon at Sugar House Park in Salt Lake City with my first Umbrella Tango, and a cubic centimeter of chance…

Csilla & Dave at the Alternative Milonga in Seattle - photo by Natalia Nk Kalita

Seattle’s Tango Magic was my 29th Tango festival, and stole my heart as my favorite venue and best festival experience to date.  Magic certainly orchestrated opportunities and experiences unique to my Tango life, starting with my first houseboat adventure through dancing 3 hours at the Seattle airport on my return trip to Boulder.

My festival started with a pre-milonga Tango party on a houseboat floating on Lake Union, complete with Salmon, very strong piña coladas, several beautiful women with sexy legs, great company and conversation, friends and a lingering sunset.  The magic started here.

Before I walked onto the houseboat, something about how I was experiencing life- the moment and people had already made itself known through unplugging from the Tango Matrix.  For those of you that have not followed my Tango Matrix series – Ulysses, an enigmatic man of Tango and life wisdom, had recently left me with these words, “Breathe more between the beats.  Follow your desire.  Allow your calling to call. You will collide with treasures waiting for you at one of your next turns…”

On thursday July 23rd, I collided with the awaiting treasures.  It has taken me the days since to fully appreciate and take in the consequences of what I collided with.  As I surrendered to living between the beats of life, my sense of Self, power, connection, calling, purpose, and life direction filled much of my attention as a state of being with knowing.  Several people around me have asked what is different.  No, it is not my hair.

The significance of unplugging from the Tango Matrix revealed more on the houseboat.  To my surprise, I became acutely aware of when, how and where men and women directed their attention, energy, emotion and physicality to each other.  And to my delight I also noticed the energy several women gave to me.  Some call this vibing another.  This attention astonished me, and the greatest amazement turned up in how aware I was of the subtleties others directed energy in this way and that.  I radiated a joy I have not had in awhile.

I relate all of this to make an important point – I had opened myself to receiving magic that I believe is always available to all.  What is magic?  In my view magic is simply the IMMENSE and BOUNDLESS energetic interaction of life.  However, I have found few people open to what is readily apparent.  I am not talking about some woo-woo nebulous thing.  I have a knowing of what I experienced, a knowing which is vastly different than a belief.  I know that as I opened up to magic, an entire world of interaction between people lit up.

Before I opened to magic, peoples’ interaction shone dimly, but on the house boat individuals’ attention, energy, interaction, non-verbal languaging, physical posturing and emotional states shined brightly!  I smiled a lot, and would have enjoyed letting someone in on what I was experiencing, particularly Natalia.  However, I had entered into a very blissful and playful state, so I allowed myself to luxuriate in the magic.

Onto China Harbor I did go.  I was giddy with joy.  Did I mention the strong piña coladas?  Well, I am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, and I obviously underestimated the strength of what Lily concocted.  I danced with more tipsiness by far than ever before.  Even though it was fun, I had to focus much more than I wanted on my axis and surroundings to dance.  And the rum also clouded some of the brilliance of magic I continued to experience.  Luckily a couple hours later the rum wore off.  However, the brilliance of the magic did not.

The magic had already caught and entranced me.  However, as the festival unfolded, so did my magical experiences…

Since I returned from SFTX (San Francisco Tango Exchange) where I became unplugged from the Tango Matrix, my experience of Tango has altered.  I can sum up my experiences as “living between the Tango beats.”  Years ago I became aware of how much exists between the beats in Tango music.  Now I sense that I just entered the space between the beats of Life.  Here is some of what has altered.

Tango Transformation is Life Transformation

I used to dance mostly two Tandas with a woman, now usually one.  I have chosen to dance with women that I have not danced with in a long time.  I do not enjoy some woman as much as I used to.  I am more conscious of the unconscious behaviors of people working to get dances, relate, learn and love.  I love Tango music even more.  I am more aware as an observer of my own dancing.  I do not compromise my posture and balance for any woman anymore.

I do not enjoy some things I used to enjoy in my Tango vocabulary or musicality choices.  I am much less interested in dancing, yet am dancing more.  I am dancing with more less skilled dancers, and aware how some of the skilled dancers just don’t interest me as much for they don’t follow as I thought.  I have noticed how many follows are not truly following, but just recognizing patterns and performing them.  However, the less skilled follows actually follow more for they do not know what to expect so they are listening.

And as in Tango, as in Life – as I have become unplugged, I am exploring how I want to make my way in the world.  My view has been altered, and therefore I need to walk a different path.  Here is a story that exemplifies some of my more common experiences these days.

On my way down to Denver on last Tuesday, I called a friend to say hi.  He asked me where I was, and upon telling him I was 30 minutes from a destination in Lakewood, he replied that he was a quarter mile away from my destination, waiting for people to join him for lunch.  He invited me to join him.  I happened to be on my way to a business appointment, but decided to be 45 minutes early to work on Tango DJ’ing.  So I conveniently had the extra time and joined him.

What wonderful timing – synchronicity at work.  This man happens to be finishing a book, which imparts life wisdom and great how-to’s on safety from a collection of stories during his important work in government agencies – VERY important work.  Because of his work, we are all safer when we fly in airplanes.  I admire this friend in no small way.  Not only is he brilliant, artistic, creative, funny and a good man, he MAKES A DIFFERENCE in peoples’ lives.

I used to want to make a big difference.  I volunteered a good amount of time in noble pursuits such as initiating men into manhood through the Mankind Project, or staffing for LGAT’s (large group awareness trainings) such as Landmark Education Corp. or fun pursuits such as leading trips for a large ski club in Madison, Wisconsin – Hoofers.

I guess I made a difference here and there.  As a therapist I know I made a difference.  However, I let my clients go for most of them did not do their homework.  They really did not take action to make their lives better, but just wanted me to make things better for them.  Why did I bother?  5-10% of my clients actually did their homework.  Perhaps everything I did was just for the 5-10%.

Why am I even writing on this subject of making a difference?  In the Tango Matrix I am staring at foundational beliefs of how I think the Universe works.  I call this an ontological cosmology.  So I am experiencing a clash of cosmologies where I have a choice of different cosmologies, but the choice I want to make is radical.  Really radical.  I will make different life choices depending on the cosmology I choose.

Ulysses left me with these words, “Breath more between the beats.  Follow your desire.  Allow your calling to call. You will collide with treasures waiting for you at one of your next turns…”

In response to my latest encounters of the Tango Matrix, Ulysses directed me to the Oracle’s profound insight on CHOICE.  “Dave, you made an important choice but do not understand it.  Your Tango fog is your life fog – you must understand your choice to not only see past it, but to move past it.  Understand & SEE!”

Wikipedia: The Oracle of Delphi exerted considerable influence throughout the Greek world, and she was consulted before all major undertakings

To remind you of the reference of the Oracle in the movie “Matrix” – from Wikipedia:

The Oracle possesses the power of foresight, which she uses to advise and guide the humans attempting to fight the Matrix’s system. Later, she is revealed to be a sapient program who is integral to the very nature of the Matrix itself.  During one meeting, Oracle tries to tell Neo something critical about choice.

She’s telling him it isn’t about choice.  He’s made a choice and now he has to understand the choice and its ramifications.  She herself claims that she lacks the ability to see past her own choice, explaining that no one, including herself, can see past a choice they do not understand.

When I first watched the film where this dialogue of choice took place, I literally shuddered from adrenaline shooting through my nervous system with excitement at the potential meaning of these words.  I conjectured that principal personal power hid within the Oracle’s words.  I am putting Oracle’s wisdom to the test as Ulysses has alluded that understanding my choice will grant access to much needed movement in my life.

Three questions present themselves in understanding my choice:

1. What is this important choice?
2. Can I see past my choice?
3. Can I take action?

First

The important choice in question is that I made a commitment to Tango as my life path.  Do I understand this choice?  Varying levels of understanding exist.  The following levels are my current understanding of why I made my choice:

• Level 1- Tango is somewhat of a fantasy world- it appears romantic to be a Tango professional, spending most of one’s life in milonga halls and studios dancing, teaching, DJ’ing and performing
• Level 2- I posses an amazing passion for teaching, dancing, DJ’ing Tango
• Level 3- I would like to have my community, my work, my life partner, my life-long friends, my travels, my experiences to be Tango – this image feels pretty good
• Level 4- I perceive that my physical health and emotional health is greatly enhanced and furthered by Tango, and therefore leads to a higher quality of life
• Level 5- Tango is a legitimate path of conscious evolution- one of the two reasons I believe I exist (to love is the other reason)
• Level 6- Lastly, any life path for me is ultimately about experiencing bliss.  Here I have run into a snag – currently I am not in bliss outside of Tango – at least not on any consistent enough basis.  Does fully manifesting Tango as my daily experience get me to bliss, or do I need to consistently be in bliss to manifest the life path of Tango fully?  Am I in a catch 22?

Obviously, some of my understanding is not complete.  How complete does my understanding need to be?

Second

Perhaps I do understand my choice.  One test of understanding choice according to the Oracle of the Matrix is can I see past it?  I acknowledge that I can plan different actions to further my Tango life – marketing, attending festivals, training on my own, training with dance partners, traveling to Tango workshops, DJ’ing.

However, I am also aware that some choices recently have not been in plain sight.  Therefore, I have sought mentorship on my next steps in Tango.  Are my next steps clearer?  Yes.  Are my next steps truly clear and easy to see?  No.

And now that I am dealing with recently becoming unplugged from the Tango Matrix, what appeared to be my next steps changed significantly.  Do I trust the new next steps I see – am I seeing clearly?  Because I doubt that I see clearly, I now have to answer No to seeing past my choice with full confidence.

Third

Can I take action?  Currently I do not believe I am taking sufficient action to manifest the experiences I desire to have on a consistent basis.  My lack of action most likely demonstrates I do not see past my choice.

Wrong Question

My conclusion from my above thinking is I do NOT see past my choice.  Fine (this is code for I am not happy about something and acknowledging some resistance but I now accept it).  So what am I not seeing?  One of my favorite questions to my coaching clients, which I would have asked at this point is, “Well, if you did know, what would be your answer?”

I would say that my choice to commit to Tango is not the actual choice in question.  The choice in question I am not seeing past/ not understanding is way bigger – my original choice – TO SHOW UP IN THE WORLD.  To this day I do not understand this choice.

I am staring at my last paragraph – I am dumbfounded by what I just wrote, its veracity, its implications, and how it fits pieces of my life puzzle together that have never fit.

The Umbrella Tango Dance Scene

Do you have a secret wish or dream, a fantasy or fancy in Tango?  I discovered to my thrill and amusement that a few individuals fulfilled a long standing dream on a lazy rainy Sunday afternoon at Sugar House Park in Salt Lake City.  And I went from Tango Purgatory to Tango Heaven with my first Umbrella Tango, an auspiciously sweet memory for decades to come.

On Sunday afternoon I drove up to the small picnic pavilion at Sugar House Park.  Here food, Tango music, tango addicts, tango wannabees, and tango watchers were to be found.  I mingled but for a bit before I retrieved my jacket from my RV.  It was a wee bit chilly.  A bit more mingling before the rain came down and our cement dance space with 2 grills on 2 ends became a nightmare for tango shoes with suede.

Tova took charge by clearing two picnic tables among a dozen under cover of the pavilion, and then jumping on top to dance with Carlos – damn they are so good.  Carlos cracks me up, always, and not so secretly I let people know I would love to have his campiness with skill.  After dancing with Carlos, Tova announced who’s next?  Others joined her as well as tango adventurers dancing on an adjacent table.  However, it became clear that not all would join the jovial jubilee of Tango gyration – maintaining balance had just inherited severe consequences dancing up on high.

Katherine & Dave in their Magical Umbrella Tango - Photo by Barbara Bagnasacco

Then it appeared – in the definitive rain shower – a couple began to dance while holding an umbrella.

To my surprise, Katherine,  standing and talking next to me as a new-found Tango obsessed comrade sheepishly asked, “Do you have an umbrella?  I have always wanted to dance in the rain with an umbrella.”  I quickly answered, “Yes I do.  In my bag.”  I quickly walked to my bag, and as reached into my bag to get my umbrella out, I realized Katherine had followed me, quickly!  I am accustomed to retrieving what I need and then going back to a tanguera in waiting.  She did not wait, so I understood at that point she was more than a little excited.

Katherine & Dave in Umbrella Tango - photo by Barbara Bagnasacco

And then we danced to 4 alternative songs while we both held my black designer Eddie Bauer compact umbrella.   Within a couple of minutes of dancing, Katherine kicked off her flip-flops, as I kept my Keen sandals on.  I became excited as I did something quite different in Tango.  The rain did pour, and the laughter rose.

Soon our laughter became a salve for my heart with an unknown hurting.  Katherine’s infectious joy began, slowly began, to evoke the sense of missing joy.  And it was not until after we walked off the puddle-filled “dance floor” that I felt slowly, ever so slowly, something slinking into my aching Tango heart.  I did not want to dance with anyone else, nor ask anyone else to dance.  I felt filled with a childlike giddiness, but also forlorn.

What was this slow slinking?  For the past few days I have reflected on what aches so much.  As I travel the western part of the country, I feel in my heart – a serious ache that yanks my focus onto it.  I find that as I feel the ache, I keep coming back to this most delicious of memories – my Umbrella Tango Tanda.  The Umbrella Tango experience is a glimmer of dreams gone by and dreams to come.  I sense I am in a limbo between unfulfilled dreams and dreams I am to fulfill.

And with my memories and reflections I am off to begin the SFTX (San Francisco Tango Exchange) Tango Festival.