The High's and Low's of the Tango Matrix are taking me to unknown places

Events occurred Friday through Sunday at SFTX that I hoped for one day, but did not expect.  In addition, “deeper truths” of the Tango Matrix unveiled themselves that floored me and produced a fog of insecurity, instability, and incredulousness.

On Friday night I heard Trio Garufa play for the first time.  They impressed me by starting off with electronica songs of their particular style and continued with dynamic renditions of traditional songs.  I thoroughly enjoyed their music, energy and obvious skill.  I don’t always find live Tango bands in the U.S. that actually play for the dancers.  I love that Trio Garufa played tandas, and did not start off their set with their most dramatic music.  It is undeniable to me when a Tango band starts off playing Pugliese or Piazolla, they are NOT sensitive to the energy of the Tango dancers.

Saturday upped the ante on live music.  At Finnish Hall in Berkley the SFTX participants were treated to a grand Tango orchestra- 4 strings, 5 horns, piano, 3 singers, 4 bandoneons, and some other members I did not focus on for the music entranced me.  I had to fight back tears – this music was the best I have heard in the U.S.  This band of Tango enthusiasts moved my heart and reminded me how great Tango music is at its best!  Even though I have heard great Tango orchestras in Buenos Aires, the music in Finnish Hall that night evoked as much or more emotion than the live Tango in Buenos Aires.

To top off the great music on Saturday, I discovered three tangueras that rocked.  They immediately entered my top 20 follows list as I experienced magnificent connection, grace in their movement and terrific attitude with each.  WOW!  In one milonga to find three tangueras that I would want to dance 4-6 tandas at every milonga, oh my!  I felt lucky that they said yes to dancing with me when there were unmistakably many leads better than me.

Speaking of better leads, I discovered it challenging to get dances at most of the milongas.  Many tangueras made sure to not catch my eyes, not only for a milonga, but for the entire festival.  Many follows that would normally dance with me at almost every milonga at a festival, only danced one tanda or none the entire festival.  I had to work at getting dances, yet I allowed myself to enjoy each moment and the tandas I received.  I held a lot of gratitude for all the tangueras that said yes to dancing with me.

My ability to enjoy more of every moment increased as saw the Tango Matrix for what it was.  In seeing, I understood dynamics of why I did not get dances with many follows, as well as why other leads and follows received attention or were ignored.  All the snobbishness and extreme cliquishness at many festivals, including SFTX, made so much more sense.  Even more important was how I did not have overwhelming issues with the dynamics, politics and behaviors that used to bother me.

However, when I first glimpsed the Tango Matrix, I seriously thought of transitioning out of Tango – quickly.  I earnestly questioned whether I would continue to dance Tango.  I have had to accept some pretty big “deeper truths” of behavior at Tango festivals and milongas.

Furthermore, little has been rosy about becoming unplugged.  Just as Neo resisted the deeper truth that his whole life was very unreal and different from what he had perceived, I am resisting “deeper truths” of Tango.

The last milonga of SFTX – Cellspace from 9:30-4 AM Sunday night, another “deeper truth” of Tango revealed itself.  It floored me, so I sat for about 12 tandas and just observed how this “deeper truth” played out.  Since this last milonga at SFTX and seeing this particular “deeper truth”, so much of how I experience Tango has changed – how I practice, how I dance, who I choose to dance with, and what my focus in learning Tango is – all are different.

Bottom line – unplugging from the Tango Matrix has produced highs and lows: the high’s of acceptance and enjoyment of moments, along with much gratitude; and the low’s accompanying a fog of insecurity, instability, and incredulousness of “deeper truths” revealed.