Unplugging from the Tango Matrix, one sees behind the curtain of just a dance...

Metaphorical wires connecting me to the Tango Matrix appeared as I began to wake from a long sleep.  I experienced more joy than I had in quite awhile.  My recent adventures in San Francisco with Alice, my energetic Australian friend, transcended mere walking, eating and Tango training.  An obvious bond had sprung up, relating a knowingness that we seemed destined to meet.  Synchronicities abounded as I became unplugged.

On Wednesday afternoon, Alice and I met up at the Donatello hotel, and as my last name is Donatiu, the serendipity was not lost on me nor Alice.  I called my father to let him know the name of the hotel as I sat in the lobby waiting for Alice to come down- he enjoyed hearing of the coincidence.  Alice had usually chosen the Donatello hotel when she traveled through San Francisco.

Which is the dream?  Was it mere coincidence that her hotel’s name was the closest hotel in San Francisco that one can get to my last name?  Or was her hotel choice a harbinger of our meeting and magical times to come?  Alice and I worked on her Tango foundation for 90 minutes, had Thai food and got a cab with a crazy non-stop talking driver to Cellspace for the milonga that night.  The next day conjured magic.

Thursday began with 90 minutes of Tango training, sushi for lunch, a walk around the city – mostly Union square, and then some special work on what I call Urban Tango Training.  As we ascended very steep hills I taught her solid fundamental technique on how to fully load the weighted hip while relaxing the free leg and hip – full weight transfers from free leg to free leg.  When weight transfers are done correctly up and down steep hills, one is not tired but actually more energized, relaxed and easily able to ascend and descend while feeling pleasure in the hips, legs, ankles and feet.

We both acknowledged that we wanted really good coffee, and quickly found just the right European bistro.  Over the delicious coffee drinks, we realized we had both participated in Pulpo’s week in 2005 in Buenos Aires.  She related that she watched me dance and wanted to someday take lessons with me.  Upon first meeting me in Boulder for privates, she mentioned to her daughter who drove her to the studio that I looked like a guy from Pulpo’s week – then she did not think it was me and never mentioned anything again until at the bistro.

Back at another 90 minutes of training, and then we went off in search of a restaurant to celebrate Alice’s new Tango transformation and understandings.  We wanted just the right restaurant, and knew we were both willing to wait, for the right place anticipated us.  After 25 minutes of walking and checking out over 17 restaurants, we saw in the distance what we both though would be the right establishment.  And sure enough, we walked into a high end grill/ steakhouse with an Argentinean flair – Italian architecture, great meat and Italian items on the menu, and black and white photos on the wall commemorating snapshots of almost a century of history this restaurant witnessed.  The meal entranced me with just the right spices, tastes, smells, texture, sweet and savory flavors, and fulfillment.  Happy man!

Alice and I said our goodbye’s, and I headed back to SFTX.  The rest of SFTX got more interesting, for as I disconnected from the Tango Matrix, reality and dream co-mingled, meaning I noticed more connections and synchronicities.  In addition, I felt more gratitude and connection to my Self and others.  This disconnect from the Tango Matrix brought me closer to living in dreamtime space.

And then events occurred that I hoped for one day, but did not expect…

What appears in one's mind, is not necessarily appearing...

In the Tango world I have unveiled more than a few illusions, and the fact of uncovering illusions pulls on me to wonder how deep the rabbit hole of the Tango Matrix goes.  Here are several illusions I have encountered:

Entering a new milonga in a new city as the new kid on the block, I spotted a women in Comme Il Faut shoes.  I assumed she had some experience dancing Tango.  After dancing 5 seconds with her, I understand the potential misperception on level of dancing connected with wearing great Tango shoes.  Great Tango shoes does not equal great dancing.

Observing dancers in a new milonga in a new town, I watched for women I wanted to ask for a Tanda.  Five out of the ten women I desired to dance with looked great with the teacher and milonga organizer.  I got to dance with one of them and experienced roboing (when someone automatically performs steps or patterns or moves without any lead, and sometimes continues to move even when the lead is totally silent, doing nothing).  She could not follow, and hung on me with a gas pedaling right arm.  After a dance with another of the Five and the having the same experience, I puzzled over what was going on.

After a third dance of the Five, I decided to watch these 3 of the 5 I danced with, with other tangueros and their teacher.  I realized the teacher had taught patterns, but not how to follow or fundamentals.  His students looked great with him, but could not follow.  That taught me to watch tangueras with different tangueros before I assessed my potential desire for a tanda with them.  Tangueras that dance great with one tanguero, do not necessarily dance great with me.

After attending a good number of festivals, I acknowledge that the quality of teachers does not dictate the quality of dancers attending, nor the quality of DJing.  Enough said.

Even though a tanguera that I want to dance with may not be present near the beginning of the first song, mysteriously and often a tanguera that I desire to dance with appears well after the beginning of a tanda.  Whether it is from the bathroom, outside the milonga hall, from behind someone or a group of people, or from off the dance floor, tangueras may appear.  Waiting often pays off for me.  This seems to happen with tangueros too!  I know that I have appeared from “out of nowhere” and received a cabaceo.  The tanguera that just asked me to dance, sometimes will ask me some version of, “I didn’t see you.  Where were you hiding?”  I just smile and dance.

I think I have done a good job of cabaceoing a tanguera for an entire milonga.  Later in the festival, or perhaps after the festival, I let her know in some communication (IM/ e-mail/ phone/ text) that I really wanted to dance with her and had cabaceoed her.  She responds with, “I didn’t see you/ I wanted to dance with you too/ My sight is terrible/ I didn’t think you would want to dance with me so I didn’t look for your cabaceo.”  And sometimes I have discovered a tanguera was less than truthful in her response to my communication – at a later festival I still did not get her eyes for a cabaceo, but other tangueros did.  Tangueras that use cabaceo, know if they are being cabaceoed, and if they do not respond to a cabaceo, they really do not want to dance with me at that time.  However, I must know if they can see the distance from where I cabaceo them.

If a tanguera wants to dance with me, she will let me know.  If she does not let me know, I am on her B or C list, but not her A list. (A List = must dance with them, and will dance just about any music with them; B List = if someone from A list is not available or have not danced with B list individual in some time; C List = will not dance with them until something changes such as level of dance, level of attraction/ repellant, issue with them, a good amount of time passes)

Without stories, here are observations on illusions that have arisen from stories:

• Just because I watch a tanguera dance a lot one way (open or close embrace) does not mean they do not dance another way.
• Age does not dictate dance ability.
• Years in Tango do not dictate dance ability.
• Dance ability does not dictate level of connection.
• Level of connection often dictates quality of tanda for me – high connection = great tanda!
• Level of kindness of tanguera influences level of connection/ attraction – kinder = greater connection/ attraction!
• Level of rudeness of tanguera influences level of repellant – ruder = greater repellant!
• Everything above about tangueras goes for tangueros

What other illusions have you all found?

As I travel around the country visiting Tango communities, I notice quirks particular to each community.  Even within different camps within communities, idiosyncrasies usually show up.

Quirks are habits that show up in a majority of the community’s dancers, and they are not necessarily bad or good.  Sometimes a quirk may be a more open embrace by default, or a lot of ganchos being led.  However, quirks are quirks, and usually unconscious.  When you want to learn more rapidly, it is very important to become conscious of what is not conscious!

Some bad-habit quirks I have witnessed in different communities: a lack of intentionality in the leading; a substantially higher pace of frenetic dancing; a lot of gas pedaling from the follows’ right arm; much less spinal movement.

Last night, I watched quirks of our community – in particular I realized how many leads allow the follows to migrate over to the lead’s right side and often do not use appropriate spinal rotation to stay with the follow as the follows are lead to the lead’s right.

Until my recent privates with Murat & Michelle, I had not realized I also had this quirk of migration and not enough of staying with my follow from the center of my chest.

I want to stress how insidious inbreeding in Tango is – when we dance and learn with the same people month after month (inbreeding), we can easily learn bad habits and not realize what we have learned.  Often our bad habits support each other, lead/ follow, to continue their bad habits such as a follow gas pedaling her right arm and the lead pushing hard with his left arm.

Crossbreeding – dancing with people outside the primary group of people one usually dances with – is needed to grow in a healthy way.

Awhile back, I asked several teachers what they thought the fastest way to learn Tango was.  While I received many tips, I think the best tip was the importance of dancing at festivals (thank you Tom Stermitz).  Dancing at festivals is essentially crossbreeding.

When I notice quirks, I look to the community teachers and pay attention to what visiting instructors have come through town.  I am fascinated with how quirks are unknowingly passed on. I am noticing my own quirks I may have inherited from dancing in the Pacific Northwest.  Can any of you guess the quirks?  These quirks are actually pretty cool!

Dare to be Better and the impossible eventually becomes possible

Star Trek blasted onto movie screens Thursday, demanding an answer to a compelling command – Dare to be Better.  I left the theatre shaken, for I did not want to answer the command, nor even think about it.  I tried my best to not face personal realities and dreams that the movie dredged up.  However, after 3 days I am still left with the command, Dare to be Better.

I entered into Argentine Tango at the beginning of my midlife transition, which has become more of a crisis and transformation.  Tango has been the nexus of my midlife transformation and all of the changes I have made, and NOT made.  Star Trek’s command makes me ponder with great unease how I seem to have manifested much less than my ambitions of years past AND how much less inspiration I have now.  In fact, since before I entered Tango, I haven’t been inspired by ambitions, lofty goals, grand ideals or even of humanitarian endeavors as I once was.

Early in my life, at 17, I began to ask a question- “What does it take to change?  grow?  transform?”  Many answers have appeared, some stayed, others left, and many evolved.  All of my answers I have filed under influencing factors for change.  One influencing factor is being inspired by great people that Dare to be Better.  This factor of being inspired by great people seems to have slipped away a lot – Star Trek reminded me.

Another influencing factor that creates change is the pain/ pleasure scale, which says, when the pain of your current reality is greater than the possible perceived pain of what it takes to change your current reality, you will change your current reality.  As J. J. Abrams’ version of Star Trek flashed across the giant screen, some of my before tango dreams flashed across my mind – entering into the N.A.S.A. program, humanitarian endeavors, world travels, sailing, scuba diving, flying gliders, passionate partnership, and others.  The contrast of what my dreams have been and what I currently experience has tipped the pain/ pleasure scale for me to change my current actions.  The ending of my midlife crisis is the realization of unfulfilled dreams.

The command, Dare to be Better, shows up in Tango for many.  In learning Tango, a person must deal with changing habitual ways of moving the body.  Every change of a habitual body movement involves dealing with the emotions behind the creation of the habitual body movement.  And learning a new way of moving engages the body in a different way, which often necessitates changing a body-based habit.  It is easy to uncover people’s emotional and life issues through how they Tango and how they learn Tango.

I maintain how we are in life shows up in Tango, and how we are in Tango shows up in life!  Tango dares us to be better by moving better.

I once encountered a beginning student in a private that had lost a great deal of her basic motivation to grow and change.  At an early point in the private, I said to become better at Tango you will need to work on your balance as if you were in a gym exercising.  So let’s do that now.  She immediately crossed her arms, got stiff, and looked away with anger and fear.  She did not want to actually do any work.  I reflected of how I saw myself in her – I wondered where some of my motivation had gone.

Many of the main characters in the new Star Trek movie are faced with life and death situations which dare them to be better or die.  I believe the threat of death is the most powerful influencing factor to create change in a person.  However, we often are not faced with death or any other strong influencing factor for change.  Therefore, I believe to change our behaviors in our lives and create the life we truly want, we need to purposefully introduce an influencing factor for change.

I am sure this new Star Trek movie has ushered in a new era of daring to be better for more than a few trekkies.  So here I am, yearning for what James T. Kirk has – an internal daring to be better – so I can Tango better and live better.  Can any of you relate?

Since I launched into Tango learning years ago, a few transformations devoured previous ways of moving with and / or thinking about Tango.  At Stone Soup one such transformation occured – I transformed my weight shifts, my compact core, torsional rotation skill, my embrace and phrasing choices.

I first made the choice to go after making these changes when I first saw Eric Lindgren dance at the Portland Valentango Festival in February.  I believe he is one of the best social Tango leads in the U.S. for the following reasons:  he is adept at moving with many different quality of movements; he leads his follows in a compact space around him, creating an enormous amount of movement at times in crowded spaces; and his upper & lower body differentiation and torsional energy management is one of the best I have EVER witnessed.

And last but not least, he dances with the melody!  He is not beat driven, but honors the rhythm along with everything else in the music.  NOT common here in the U.S.!  He is able to move his body already in a way that I believe will allow him to become quite a force of inspiration in Tango.

Therefore, I set out to get mentorship on how to shift my level of dancing and direction as a professional Tango teacher.  Murat & Michelle were my first choice – so I followed them to Tucson, AZ then San Diego, CA then Stone Soup.  They gave me the underlying direction, suggestions and private training I needed to work towards what I wanted.

At Stone Soup, during my brief private of 25 min., Eric was able to spot on tell me what I needed to do to achieve a lot of what he is doing on the dance floor.  I knew using my torso was very important.  However, until Eric showed me what he is doing (always using torsion from a compact core), I did not get how much POWER existed in using my upper torso.  I was missing that salient point!

Some extraordinary dancers, Gustavo Navaeira and Horacio Godoy come to mind, use their torso extremely well.  I clearly underestimated the power of this skill.  So I got it!  I got the importance, and more importantly, I got the feel of what I need to do in my body so I can reproduce the feeling and increase the ability.  I call this ability to reproduce the feeling an internal feedback system, which is critical to learning.

How I got to the torsion ability is the story.

M&M (Michelle & Murat) worked with me to get full weight changes that come from fully using my body mechanics to load the hip socket of the weighted leg while moving through the foot fully AND relaxing the free leg.  The pleasure from loading fully into my hip socket and relaxing my free leg (which are both now cyborg – metal ball and socket), is delicious, for all of my muscles, ligaments and tendons feel a relaxation and fuller range of motion without debilitating pain in the socket itself.  Yeah for modern orthopedic technology!

As I move around now I am using much less energy, and enjoying the walk so much more.  I marvel at how so many teachers say just walking is great, yet so many dancers will not get to experience the true pleasures of walking until they get the body skill sets needed to do a Tango walk.  I think it is more accurate to say at SOME  POINT in dancing Tango, just Tango walking becomes a true pleasure, rich with texture and quality of movement with great expression.  The Tango walk IS NOT just walking, and is very different than our normal APE WALK!

A whole other piece of my transformation is to move from a compact core.  I was moving from a looser core, and in working with M&M, I got that in order to move from a more compact core I needed to have full weight changes.   Because I did not have full weight shifts, I had a lot of noise in my Tango with misalignment.  I had to compensate for this misalignment with a lot of movement from outside of my core.  Once I got the alignment that came from full weight shifts, I was able to move just from my core.  And I can use only what is necessary from my core, which is why I call my core use more compact.

However, there is one more aspect needed – that is leading from a compact core WITH the upper torsion.  The upper body torsion works best when everything else is aligned and compact.  Bottom line – full weight shifts are needed for correct alignment.  So in attempting to move as Eric L., I needed to get the full weight shifts, which allowed for a compact core, which allowed for upper body torsion in a useful way.

Furthermore, Michelle had me take the energy of what I was feeling in moving with full weight shifts and compact core and upper torsion and connect that with my embrace.  When I did that, she verbally expressed how I got it – too juicy to put here  To sum this up, I can now include my follow in my upper body torsion much more easily with my embrace.

Lastly, M&M impressed upon me to mark the phrasing with beginning and ending vocabulary and a theme in the body of the phrase.  Then all of my silly improvisational movement makes sense and follows traditional Tango music in a way that makes more sense to my dance partner and people watching how the movement matches the music.

Now my work is to integrate this as a habit (make the new way of moving from a dirt road to a superhighway), and include more of the vocabulary I have with this quality.  Right now I have had to dumb down my vocabulary expressions to maintain this new way of moving.  I am concerned that many follows may find this boring, but I must be true to my own dance. Hmmmmmmmm – another entry.