Seattle Tango Magic Salmon Bake pavilion on Lake Washington Harbor photo by Natalia

The Seattle Tango Magic Festival Salmon Bake cast its spell well before I arrived.  Ever since I heard the rave reviews and felt the mystical aura radiating from the words of those who spoke about this unique event, I yearned to dance there.

As I drove over the Lake Washington Bridge to Kirkland with my newfound magical tanguera, the Salmon Bake became real.   Anticipation grew as my inner child jumped up and down in excitement as if I was waiting in line to be strapped into a rollercoaster (I used to have summer passes to amusement parks).

Then something curious occurred.  While driving up Lake St. to Marina Park, I was flabbergasted by throngs of people walking around in their bathing suits.  I knew Seattle had a heat wave thrust upon it as the thermometer reached over 96 that day.  However, to see so many people walking on beaches to my left and on the streets with bikinis, flip flops, cut off shorts, and guys going shirtless I thought I had transported to San Diego!

I parked; quickly strode to the pavilion; scoped out a spot for my tango suitcase; looked at the long line waiting for salmon and promptly asked my companion to dance.  Upon entering the dance floor with my stunning tanquera partner in a red sparkle camisole, I beamed.

Only a few other couples joined us so we had practically unlimited space to use.  A slight breeze blew into the pavilion with the smell of salmon wafting throughout the space.  The Tango music thumped in my heart.  I floated in my trance and laughed at the delightful movements my partner expressed.  Onlookers gazed at this different sensual and passionate dance – calling forth even more passion.  I danced two tandas in tranced out bliss.

To say this moment was simply a festival highlight is woefully inadequate in expressing my deep appreciation.  That night continued for me with many tandas – this special milonga space infused every one of my tandas with magic!

A half hour before the sun embarked upon its disappearing act, I finally decided to eat some salmon.  I found my two very good friends and hosts, Steve and Linda, went through the waiting line for food, then sat with them.  Their companionship felt so good!  I watched the sunset as I savored the fresh salmon.  If I died that moment, I knew I would have been at the absolute best place, state of being and with the best people around me to leave this world.

My best friend Craig also attended this festival.  To have shared the moment of the salmon bake with him also holds a special place in my heart.  Craig and I have shared many festivals and Tango experiences, and to be able to hang out with him and share these experiences is priceless.  In addition, the number of Tango friends present at the Seattle festival and at this particular milonga infused my heart with a great joy of being in community, feeling a profound sense of belonging.

The power of this magical milonga space and community of friends present created a potent transcendent experience.  This will be one of my favorite Tango memories for all my years, and I suspect upon my deathbed, I will recall the Seattle Salmon Bake.  This singular event left an indelible mark upon my heart, spirit and mind.

Seattle Salmon Bake, I will be back!

Saturday afternoon I slid from inner joy to utter funk, and realized how I created the funk even as I continued to slide further into it.  Ulysses had put forth two things to do in order to perceive the possible benefits of taking the red pill of the Tango Matrix.  As I did these two things, I created a radiance and calm within myself, and my resulting inner attitude fed my Tango bliss.

However, as I had re-occurring negative thoughts during Saturday’s alternative milonga, I found my negative thoughts corrupting my focus on Ulysses’s proposed actions.  As the festival continued, I still enjoyed many dances and found myself letting go into Tango songs and arms of such wonderful tangueras.  Nevertheless, an underground current of dissatisfaction pulled incessantly at my Tango bliss when I did not dance for awhile.

In spite of the underground current of dissatisfaction, I experienced many highlights that I will remember for a long while.  Two Tangueras in particular had me consistently floating on the milonga floor with precision, grace, fun, ease and bliss.  I danced 4+ tandas each milonga with them, and marveled at our connection, embrace, and efficient blissful movement.  After each tanda, I knew that if I smoked, I would have had a smoke.  We moved as one, and always had this supremely delicious look and feel after each song.

Kristine Goodwin & Dave Donatiu in Tango Bliss -- Photo by Young B. Kim

I had other Tandas where I experienced the same floating, though it was not consistent with all songs with the same tanguera.  I call attention to this floating experience as evidence of the rewards of all that I have gone through to get to the point where I consistently enter in Tango trances.  The floating is certainly a state of flow and is my experience of the Kiss of the Divine.  All in all I am so grateful for so many of the tandas I had the chance to experience.

Other aspects of the festival captured my attention.  I could not ask everyone I wanted to dance with for many reasons – not enough time, not the right music, another tanguera enchanted me with her cabaceo, I needed a break every now and then.  Also, I noticed how adorable and beautiful so many tangueras are – just bewitching.

In addition, I perceived that at some other festivals I have attended, a greater percentage of younger people (20-30 years of age) are present – why?  Furthermore, I noticed how navigational skills can make a dance so much easier and better – those leads with less experience often mentioned how they did not like nor have good dances when it was crowded, while better leads had great dances no matter how crowded it was.

Overall, I experienced the most Tango bliss ever at this festival, danced the best I ever have, and took the best care of my Self so my recovery was swift and easy.

Most importantly, I glimpsed the benefits of taking the red pill.  As a watcher of my own experience with Ulysses’s proposal, I witnessed a disturbing but exciting partial unveiling of meaning and explanation to mystery in Tango and my life.  Some may say Tango is just a dance – I believe these people have taken the blue pill.

Do I take the red pill?  I am conversing with Ulysses to find out more of the Tango Matrix…

Somebody asked me, “What is the Tango Trance?”

People have different names for it — bliss, flow, pleasure, spiritual experience, deep connection, tango love, tango moments, better than sex …

My view of the Tango Trance is that it is a state of being.  This state of being can occur when 2 people experience a deep connection where their experience of the present moment shifts to a non-ordinary reality.  In other words, the two people enter into a trance.

In this non-ordinary reality or trance, people experience some to all of the following: time shifting where time becomes faster or slower; deep pleasure and bliss; spiritual or peak experiences; their heart opens up where they experience love or intense deep intimate connection; being fully in their body, out of their heads.

This Tango Trance is what so many people yearn for, and is one of the biggest payoffs of becoming good at Argentine Tango.  A deeper perspective of this Tango Trance is that it becomes a Kiss of the Divine (see my entry – “Tango & the Kiss of the Divine“)

The Kiss of the Divine in summary is a glimpse into connecting with ALL, and is to most people a spiritual experience.  I believe that Argentine Tango offers a unique opportunity over most dances where the deepest connection can be found.

To enter a Tango Trance, a lot can be involved.  Deep connection must be established, and when we are first learning Tango, learning how to walk takes our utmost attention.  In time, we can be in our body, responding unconsciously to the music, while putting the majority of our focus on the connection with our partner.

Once you experience a Tango Trance, Argentine Tango takes on a whole other dimension.  Another note:  it is far easier for a follow to experience a trance for they do not have to focus on navigation or choreography.  However, leads can get to this place of Tango Trance with enough training and focus on the being of Tango, not the steps.  Even though I have not danced for that long, I consistently drop into this trance.

I address many elements of connection in my PlayShop – It Takes Two: Creating The Tango Trance Connection, which when learned, adapted and integrated results in deeper connection and ultimately more Tango Trances!

Allowing oneself to experience desire from the core is paradise. In Tango, desire is one of the most powerful energies/ ways to connect with one’s partner.

On Saturday I danced out at Cheesman Park.  Thanks to Darlene and her inspiration, we now have a regular milonga at Cheesman Park on Saturdays during sunset.  I had a wonderful breakthrough in my dancing.

As I danced with one particular follow, I allowed my desire to be close to her to fill me up and radiate out to her during my expression of dancing.  I instantly discovered a much stronger connection and pleasure in dancing.  I did this with another follow and discovered the same thing — stronger connection and pleasure.

Desire is different than just sexual energy.  I want to distinguish between them.  Desire is an energy of wanting, not necessarily having sex.  Desire can be felt and expressed in many ways.  The desire I felt was wanting to just be closer.  Now, some sexual energy did rise, but instead of just having it congeal in one area of my body (as what happens in lustful desire), I allowed the energy/ feeling of desire fill my whole body and connected that desire with the music, with my follow, with her steps, with my steps, with the gentle breeze, with her movements, with my breath.

I noticed I did a few things differently.  I looked more at my follow.  I had more surging quality in my walk.  I had a greater connection with the music.  I had a stronger posture — being more upright, and more outward lead from my heart and chest.

For many reasons which I did not know at the time, I have been not stoking my desire.  I realized quite awhile after that I did not want to put my self out so strongly.  I wanted to keep some of me in reserve so to speak.  I believed that if I put out my desire strongly, I would be rejected.  Now it is possible I will still be rejected — that a follow might pull away from my energy of desire.  Yet, wherever that belief came from, it is not with me now.  That belief certainly has not been helpful, but hindering.

I have since been playing with stoking desire in my dance.  When I fill with desire, I am also filling with me, or said another way, connecting more fully with my core.  My core is about desire.  According to the Abraham-Hicks material (info on manifesting), all humans at their core have great desire and we are in this life to connect with our desire, choose what we want, and express it by manifesting our desires.

I believe part of why few people dance with desire is two-fold.  For many, desire for another in Tango equals sexual attraction.  Second, to connect with our desire also brings up how often we have not manifested our desires and hence experienced the hurt/ pain of wanting but not getting.

In the tantric workshops I have attended, we engaged in exercises called Pujas where we looked into another’s eyes and on purpose projected different things.  For example, imagine that the person in front of you is your life-mate and you instantly love them more deeply than ever before.  Or, the person in front of you in your mother asking for full forgiveness.  Or, the person in front of you desperately needs your healing and blessing so project that into their eyes.  The bottom line purpose of pujas is to deepen one’s ability to connect with another.  This connection does not have anything to do with sexual intercourse.

So, in Tango I have explored imagining my partner as a beautiful being, a full goddess, wanting to be held in loving care as I dance.  Or my partner is a playful soul wanting to feel me fully alive with her exploring the desire in the music.

However, in my experience of working with hundreds of clients as a therapist/ life coach, I have witnessed how hard it is for so many to feel their desire.  As soon as someone connects with their desire, they also connect to the accumulated hurt of not getting their desire.

I recommend exploring feeling the desire of connecting with a partner, and manifest that desire through feeling the magnificence of the connection.

When I don’t feel my desire as I enter a milonga, I often imagine this might be the last opportunity I get to connect, the last milonga I may ever attend.  Any hesitation I have over connecting fully to myself and partner quickly dissipates.

I am so excited to further explore my desire in more dances.

During the Denver festival many people asked me how I was doing – I often replied, “I am in Heaven.”  I am not religious, but I am deeply spiritual.  I have experienced several transcended states of being, including profound bliss with very expanded states of awareness.  During the festival, I entered into a transcended state of bliss.  The bliss was not just being filled with joy, but a deep sense of everything is truly OK and magnificent.  I call this state — the unbearable lightness of being.

The unbearable lightness of being is the kiss of the Divine.  It is a state of truly being at peace with all.  My spiritual cutting-edge is to allow this state more and more. At times it is unbearable. Let me explain.

After the festival ended, I felt deep sadness.  Sadness at the seeming loss of the state of bliss I experienced for hours on end.  Why I call this a “seeming loss” is that when I was no longer moving as one within the dance of Tango, I no longer experienced the deep bliss.  However, the bliss is always available.  So, why do I not experience this bliss consistently except in Tango?

In Tango I allow myself to let in this unbearable lightness of being.  I do not resist experiencing the depth of my Self in Tango.  When I move with another in Tango, when I connect with my breath, heart, movement, and reach out to my follow to feel her emotions and sense her response to everything I express, I let the Divine kiss me.  Bliss ensues.

I am painfully aware that this bliss is always present, but I just resist it.  Not always, but most of the time.  When I am in the embrace of Tango, I fully connect and express with my core essence.  I could do that at any time, but I often do not.  This is my painful awareness.

And when I allow this bliss in, it can become unbearable.  Unbearable because all the ways  I resist bliss comes up and taunts me – shame, guilt and worthlessness.  However, within Tango somehow I am able to just let all that negative taunting fade away as I focus on full connection with another.  That connection only goes as deep my self-connection.  Deep self-connection becomes easy when I focus on getting my Self out of the way to be able to move, breathe, feel and express with my partner.

I do not have big answers here on how to consistently connect with myself.  However, I do have Tango that continues to show me and teach me how to let in the unbearable lightness of being, allowing myself to be kissed by the Divine.

Every follow I dance Tango with is another opportunity to be kissed by the Divine.  And each kiss is bliss.  If any of you wonder why I have such passion in my pursuit of learning and teaching Tango, perhaps your wondering is fading with these words.

I am in a Tango Meltdown.  I’m sure most of you know what I mean, and probably have different words for it.  Though I have had many in the past 19 months, this one ranks in my top 5.  What I mean by a Tango Meltdown is when I have so many emotional issues come up that I need to process the issues outside of Tango.  I might not dance for a couple of days while I process.  Also, a meltdown once processed, results in a definitive life change and certainly a change in my dancing.

The short version of my current meltdown is that I am acutely aware of how I am underachieving, underproducing and under a cloud.  The long version follows.

BACKGROUND – For the past 19 months I have basically had one great consulting job, which has supported me in that time.  And I kicked butt as I quintupled my client’s profitability in that time.  Ever since I realized that Tango was my life 16 months ago, I understood that my income producing efforts would eventually come from within my Tango activities and offshoots such as training dancers to learn much more quickly.  Therefore, I put all of my financial and time resources into my Tango training and dancing.

MELTDOWN – Now I am in the place of needing to choose how to direct time/ money/ energy/ mind resources to produce income.  I am sure that I can produce plenty of income for I am aware that I have valuable gifts to offer the world of Tango from my 2 decades of human potential & psychological training; my skills directly apply.  However, there is this thing called a TIME LAG.  It does take some amount of time to produce results once I direct my personal resources.  So, I am taking this time lag into account, and realizing if the time lag is great, I might have to choose to do something that is not directly related to Tango for income.

How many of you are in this same boat???

Why I am in a meltdown around this time lag is that from past experience and what I know, I could blast through this time lag and produce income in a short time.  However, to do this means I must go from my current 35% capable work output to 80%⁺.  I am personally getting how my current low level of producing is thwarting my greatest dreams with Tango.  Furthermore, since I started Tango I have only progressed at 35% of what I am capable of.  My personal truth of how I am underachieving has dredged up a lot of emotional issues around me putting my self out, living my potential, and standing in my power.

I do want to acknowledge that I have certainly progressed very quickly in the Tango world.  However, I hold this awareness of how I have been underachieving, for I have only used a portion of the many cutting-edge training tools and methodologies that I could use.

To add insult to injury, people around me tell me I am being hard on my self.  This always irks me.  Don’t you also know where you have been underachieving yet people don’t know it because your underachieving seems like overachieving?  And then to be told by someone that your personal awareness of how you know you are doing far less than you are capable of is just you beating up on yourself?  When someone tells me I am beating up on myself, my interpretation is that they are trying to make an excuse for me to continue to underachieve, live little of my potential and just sleepwalk through life.

So, I am left with my meltdown of an in-my-face personal truth of how I am underachieving.  I am far from my Tango abilities of where I could be by now.  And if I do not stand up in my power and produce, I will see the distance of where I am at from where I could be grow!  That is painful!

The payoffs in being further along in Tango are great — giving incredible tango trance dances, attracting great dancers, being able to dance better with all levels of dancers, being able to express more of what I feel in the music, being able to teach people how to learn much more quickly, having even more fun, traveling to milongas all over the world and being around my Tango friends even more.  I want these payoffs NOW!